Between the Shadow and the Soul
by BlaiddDrwg30
Summary: When a young Ensign joins Captain Kirk and his crew for their five year mission she finds things she had never dreamed of; friendship, adventure, and romance with a certain Vulcan science officer. Rated for sexual situations
1. Prologue

**Sonnet XVII  
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,  
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.**

 **I love you as the plant that never blooms  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.**

 **I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way**

 **than this: where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."  
-Pablo Neruda**

 _Rebecca breathed in and out, slowly trying to get a grip on the rising sense of panic that flooded her chest. She was lying down, her hands curled on her chest and when she tried to move them outwards they met a hard resistance. Wood maybe? Or plastic? She tried to sit up and her forehead hit the same resistance. Darkness surrounded her like a hot blanket. Trapped. Fear paralyzed her and she felt bile rise in her throat. She forced herself to swallow and she breathed in and out erratically as her hands pounded on the walls surrounding her. She was not going to get out of this. She was never getting out of this box. Finally giving in to the overwhelming terror of the situation she opened her mouth and began to scream..._

She sat up with a gasp and clutched the covers to her chest. Dream...it was just...a dream, she thought as her eyes grew accustomed to the soft glow of the nightlight by her bed. She knew she would be teased mercilessly if anyone knew, for using that crutch against darkness despite her twenty nine years of age, but she found that even after all this time, she couldn't sleep without it. _Luckily for me,_ she thought to herself, _I happen to be the only ensign in this department on the ship._ Because of this, Lieutenant Harper had assigned her to her own barracks, and as small as it was, she loved it. She ran her fingers through her sweat drenched hair and leaned back against her pillow. She still couldn't believe she had so recently passed from the Starfleet Academy with top honors in most her classes. Exoarchaeology wasn't the most popular major, because really, who wanted to study Earth history and the history of other planets and races when they could study more exiting things, like astrophysics or probability mechanics? At least, that's what most of her classmates had said to her during her years at the Academy. If it hadn't been for Lea, she would have gone through the Academy with no friends at all. They had been in orbit for two weeks already, but she still had yet to see her, which was why she had scheduled to meet her friend for lunch the following day.

Rebecca pushed the covers away, and strode over to the single window in her room. She had really hoped to put the recurring nightmares behind her once she was out in space. She pulled the curtain back and gazed out into the fathomless stars. Aside from the privacy her room allowed, the view was her most favorite aspect of it. It symbolized what she had come from, what she had lost, and what she still strived to be. Ex Astris, Scientia; the motto of the Academy. _From the stars, knowledge_ she mused while looking at the sky. _I have come a long way, but I have still so much farther to go._ She took a sip from a glass of water on her nightstand and padded back over to the bed, climbing back in and tried to get comfortable. Hopefully, this far away from her parents and their hurtful disappointment in her, she could be free to find herself and reach her true potential. From the stars, knowledge she thought again while drifting back into sleep. _Damn right..._


	2. Chapter 1

The morning was clear and bright, as much as it could be in outer space, anyway. The stars shone crisply in the black sky, like diamonds sprinkled haphazardly across a velvet blanket. Despite her restless night, as soon as her alarm went off she was wide awake. Years of early morning classes at Starfleet Academy had instilled that in her. She slipped on her blue dress and pinned her science division emblem to the front left corner of it. She brushed her long brown hair until it was shiny and smooth and as she caught a glimpse of herself in her bathroom mirror it seemed to her that she glowed with pride. _This is a brand new day,_ she thought as she tugged on her boots and headed out the door.

The library and data archives were towards the bottom of the ship, near engineering. It was designed that way so that if there was a breach in the hull, in the case of an emergency, the information would still be kept safe. She had been surprised at this, when she first came aboard. She had even asked her supervisor, Lieutenant Teresa Harper about it.

"Knowledge is sacred," she had told her. "This is your first time aboard a starship, and the Enterprise is the finest vessel the Federation has."

Rebecca could feel the sense of pride emanating off of the Lieutenant. "But surely Lieutenant Harper, all of this information is also located back home, on Earth. Why is it so important to keep it safe on the ship if most of it is only just a copy anyway?"

Her supervisor smiled warmly at her. "Because, Miss Foulks, knowledge and information is vital to this ship's operation. Don't believe me?" she asked when she saw her Ensign's confusion. "The Captain and commanding officers don't have Earth's information readily accessible to them while we are in the far reaches of space. We carry the history and insight to hundreds of planets and civilizations within these walls. What if the Captain needs to know the political and military structure of a certain society before sending crewmembers down onto a strange and possibly hostile planet? We have that knowledge. Not to mention the fact that all the medical books and data are stored here as well. Yes, make no mistake about it, we are part of the backbone of the ship. Community, Miss Foulks, that's what this is all about."

Rebecca fingered the badge on her uniform shyly, remembering the exchange as she walked into the archives. Lt. Harper greeted her warmly and instructed her on her duties for the morning, which included sorting through piles of information about the physiology of Klingons and filing them into their assorted shelves. Despite the tediousness of the process, the morning moved by quickly. Rebecca loved her work; genuinely enjoyed what she did. She had always had a keen love for books and reading, really knowledge of any sort fascinated her. The thought of the complex history of countless different societies and planets made her almost squeal with joy. A small beep on Lt. Harper's com link broke her out of her musings.

She got up from her desk and walked over to where Rebecca was filing. "Ensign, I have received a request from Chief Medical Doctor Mccoy that he will be needing a complete breakdown of the gene structure of a Gorn female."

Rebecca raised an eyebrow.

Seeing her expression, Lt Harper laughed. "It's not for us to question the medical staff, Miss Foulks, just that we help them if we can. Can you run those reports up to him?" She looked at her watch. "Perhaps after your lunch?"

Startled, she looked down at the time. It _was_ nearly time for her to have lunch and meet with Lea in the break room. "Of course, Lieutenant. I know exactly where to locate the information. I would be most happy to retrieve it and deliver it to the Doctor."

Lt Harper smiled at her as she was leaving. "You are going to make a great Lieutenant someday, Miss Foulks."

Stunned, she turned back around so fast she almost tripped over her own feet. "Lieutenant?"

Lt. Harper nodded. "Of course. Why do you think you're here in the first place? There's really no need for the both of us to be here in the archives. It is an important job, alebit a lonely one. Didn't you realize that you were enlisted aboard the Enterprise to shadow me so that one day you would take my place?"

Rebecca shook her head slowly. "No, ma'am. I didn't...I guess I didn't realize that until now."

Her supervisor laughed. "Oh to be so young and naïve again! Well, you'll do a great job, when I'm ready to retire. You know I've always dreamed of living out the rest of my days on the coastline. And I can say that when that day comes, I'll have no regrets about leaving this veritable treasure trove of knowledge to your capable hands."

Rebecca felt her eyes begin to well up with tears. "Lieutenant Harper, I..."

She waved her away. "None of that wishy washy sentiment, Ensign, I was only stating the truth. Now get on with your business and head down to lunch. I'll expect to see you back here after you've delivered the information, am I being clear?"

Rebecca smiled. "Crystal clear, Lieutenant." With a heart even lighter than when she came in, Rebecca located the information she needed and headed out the door to the break room.

~*~ To be continued


	3. Chapter 2

Lea was already settled down at a table near the corner of the mess room when Rebecca arrived. She walked up to her longtime friend and smiled as she saw she was engrossed in an engineering manual. Pulling a chair out across the table she caught a brief spurt of noise coming from her friend's headphones. _"You got that kind of medicine that keeps me comin"_

"What are you listening to?" Rebecca asked, mystified.

Lea jumped back in her seat and pulled the headphones out of her ears. "Oh nothing much, just a fun sort of song from back home."

She was flushed, and Rebecca wondered if she was maybe coming down with something. Looking at both of the plates in front of them banished all other thoughts from her mind. "Wow, you already got my lunch for me? Lea, you are amazing!"

Her friend smiled at her. "Well you seemed to be running late, so I figured I would help you out a bit."

Rebecca dug into her meal with gusto. It was so nice to be sitting there with her companion, it felt like it had been forever since she had spent time with her. It was times like this that she missed their Academy days together. "How have you been, anyways?" she asked between mouthfuls. "How are things in engineering?"

Lea ran her fingers through her hair. "Aside from the slight malfunction last week everything has been going really well!"

Rebecca nodded happily. "Are you making any new friends?"

At this her friend blushed again. _Weird._ "Ah, is your roommate still being a terror?"

Lea sighed. "Yeah, I keep hoping every time I go back to the room that she'll be gone but no such luck."

They both chuckled for a moment before Lea cleared her throat. "Actually, I've been meaning to tell you. I've sort of...met somebody."

Rebecca's eyes grew wide. "Seriously? Who?"

This opened up the floodgates of excitement in Lea. "Oh god, Beck, he's just so...incredible! He's so funny and quirky and smart, and I just can't get over how much I like him!"

Rebecca laughed. "Okay, that's great! Who is it?"

She smiled. Chief Medical Officer Leonard McCoy!"

Rebecca's jaw dropped. "Seriously? You're dating Bones? He's like, a freaking legend!" It was true, everyone at the Academy had heard of the exploits of the infamous James Kirk and his crew of incredible companions. Their adventures would surely go down in history. She could only imagine the size of the data file she would need to contain it all! She had known that Jim Kirk was the Captain and that most of his original crew was aboard, but she had never expected her friend to become close to one of them.

Lea looked back at the engineering manual. "Well, we're not technically _dating_. We're...I'm not really sure what we are right now, to be honest!"

Rebecca grinned. "I couldn't be happier for you!" Suddenly remembering, she said "That reminds me, I have to deliver this to Dr. McCoy after lunch if you wanted to come with me?"

Lea grinned. "I'd love to! Hurry the hell up and finish your lunch so we can get moving!"

Rebecca giggled as they finished their lunches, chatting away like a couple of schoolgirls.

***

As they stepped off the turbolift on the sickbay floor Rebecca suddenly shivered. Lea looked at her at they walked down the pristine hallway.

"You okay?" she asked.

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, just sort of nervous I guess."

Lea grabbed her hand reassuringly. Although she put on a brave face most of the time, meeting new people and social situations made her vaguely uncomfortable. She could function fine when she was around a lot of people, but it always caused a heavy roiling in her gut, like she was going to make some kind of irreversible mistake causing people to hate her. As immature as she realized it was, she just couldn't seem to get comfortable around people. She was always waiting for them to judge her or dislike her. _Probably another throwback from my awesome family,_ she thought, gritting her teeth as they got to the main door. Taking a deep breath she knocked, before the doors opened suddenly.

Lea let go of her hand as they both walked into the room. Various beds, medical instruments, and devices caught her eye as they approached the main computers where Dr. McCoy stood. She hesitated when she saw he was talking with two other men, then politely cleared her throat. All three turned to look at her, and she blanched when she recognized that one of the other men was the Captain of the ship. Their expressions were confused at first, and she knew she should announce why she was there, but a strange sort of terror seemed to have gripped her. Luckily, McCoy recognized Lea and a huge smile crossed his face.

"Lea!" He exclaimed, walking up to them, "It's great to see you!" He turned to his companions saying, "This is Ensign Bowen, she's been working with Scotty down in engineering. He says she's a real genius."

He stood next to her as she flushed with joy and they spoke softly together. Rebecca tore her eyes away from them and looked at the Captain, who was grinning at them. "Bones, I swear you get all the pretty ones. Leave some for me, will you?" He turned his attention to Rebecca. "And who might you be?"

Recovering, she replied, "Ensign Foulks, here to deliver some medical information to Doctor McCoy. It's a pleasure to finally meet you Captain."

He walked over to her. "Pleasures all mine. What's your first name, Ensign?"

Suddenly the third man cleared his throat. Rebecca broke her gaze from the Captain to look at the third man and finally recognized just who else it was in the room. Commander Spock. Half Vulcan, half human, he stood so tall and perfectly still but like a spring, coiled and ready to leap into whatever action was required. His blue shirt fit him snugly, his arms folded across his chest were lean sinewy, like a mountain cat. Her heart pulsed into her throat. _What the hell am I thinking about cats for at a time like this?_ she thought wildly as she struggled to get a hold of herself. She felt as if she was drowning but without any water surrounding her. All she could seem to focus on were his dark brown eyes. _What the hell? Get a grip on yourself girl!_ Breathless, she licked her lips and smiled at him. "Commander Spock. I just want to say that I think you are incredible. It truly is an honor to meet you."

Kirk's eyebrows rose so far up his forehead it seemed as if his hair was swallowing them. "Wow, Spock, looks like you've got a fan!"

She flushed, realizing how stupid she must sound. "I didn't mean...that is..." Tears of embarrassment threatened to spill out of her. _Dammit you are going to ruin EVERYTHING! Now take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself!_ Before she could say another word the Commander strode over and stopped right in front of her. "Ensign Foulks," he said, "I appreciate what you have said. You are very kind." All the air in her lungs released outwards in a small woosh as she immediately felt better. Maybe he _didn't_ think she was a total moron. "Thank you sir," she said shyly.

He motioned to a table on the other side of the room and she walked over to it and set the files down on it. When she turned back around she was surprised to see that he had followed her over, his arms clasped behind him. They were only a few feet apart.

"S-Sir?" she stammered.

"Ensign, I noticed a few moments ago that you became quite agitated and your breathing was labored. Are you feeling alright?"

She bit her lip. _Was he actually...concerned?_ "No Sir, I am fine. I just get a little...out of sorts in social situations sometimes." She wanted to smack herself in the head. Did she _seriously_ just admit that?

And then, a miracle. A trace of a smile flitted across his face. "I think I understand what you mean. I too, sometimes find myself uncomfortable with people."

Across the room McCoy called out, "That's because you're a robot, Spock."

The Captain erupted into laughter while Spock closed his eyes for a moment, gathering patience. "You seem to forget, Dr. McCoy, that I am not a robot but half Vulcan. If you would take a moment to realize that fact you would understand..."

McCoy waved his hand wryly at him. "Never mind Spock, forget I said anything at all. That's what you usually do anyway, isn't it?"

The ghost of a smile crossed Spock's face again. "It is as you say, Doctor."

"We really should be going," Lea said regretfully. "Commander Scott will kill me if I'm late getting back."

Rebecca nodded sadly. Despite her original reluctance she was, dare she think it, started to feel comfortable? The three men had such a great rapport with each other, it seemed easy to just feel as if she could fall right into it as well. Maybe it was this thought which distracted her enough so that she didn't realize the heel of her boot had gotten caught on one of the table legs. Whatever the case, as soon as she took a step forward she began fall forward. _Dear god, please let me die before I fall on my face in front of Commander Spock._ But she never hit the ground. As quickly as it had happened she felt strong arms around her. "Are you okay?"

Lea came running over. "Beck, what happened?"

But she couldn't answer, as she found herself staring straight into the Commander's brown eyes. She couldn't believe he had moved fast enough to catch her. It had happened in the breath of a second. She was pressed against his chest and all she could think about was how hard her heart was beating against him. She realized she should be backing away at this point, after all, he caught her and now his duty was done but his hands were gripping her arms in an almost painful manner. Before she could stop herself she found her fingers tightening into his shirt. "I...Thank you, Sir," she whispered, since anything louder than that would have seemed like a shout. He didn't answer, and she watched, mesmerized as a slight green tint touched his cheeks.

Jim noticed. "Holy shit, Spock, are you actually blushing?"

McCoy came running over. "Blushing? Spock? Can Vulcans even do that? I may want to run some tests Spock, just in case you've somehow become fully human in the past five minutes."

He pulled away from her, and she was instantly aware of the warmth he took with him. "I am fine, Doctor." He bowed respectfully to her. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Ensign Foulks." He looked in Lea's direction. "And you as well, Ensign Bowen."

McCoy grimaced. "Oh great, the hobgoblin is back."

Lea laughed warmly. "I'll see you later, Doctor, is that okay?"

He smiled warmly at her. "Absolutely, Lea."

Rebecca said goodbye to the Doctor and Captain and followed Lea to the door. Spock was standing alongside, watching them, his expression fathomless. She smiled at him unsteadily as she walked past. "Goodbye Commander. It was nice...meeting you." He nodded once to let her know he heard and her and Lea left. As they started down the corrider to the elevater Lea turned to her friend and asked, "What was THAT about?"

Rebecca didn't answer. She looked over her shoulder to see Spock still standing in the doorway. She thought she heard him whisper, "Fascinating", to himself, but she was probably just hearing things.

~*~ To be continued


	4. Chapter 3

_What am I doing here?_

Spock looked around the library archives, unable to determine what had drawn him there, yet again. The lights from the flashing computers and data files caught his eye as he walked down one of the hallways. He found that he liked it here. Even without the ulterior motive that he still quite didn't understand, it was a peaceful place. Books. Learning. Knowledge. These were all things that had attracted his attention from the time he was a young boy growing up on Vulcan. And as much as he loved his job as Commander aboard the Enterprise, and cherished the relationships with those he held dear, sometimes being around so many people with all their conflicting emotions was...unsettling. So to be in a place of such quiet and serenity eased his mind and helped him breathe a little easier.

 _But why here? Why this place? Logically, it is just as quiet in my own quarters, so why do I constantly feel drawn to this place?_ He had been stopping here every two or three days for the past few weeks. Sometimes just to pick up a date file for the Captain, sometimes just to pick one up for himself to read, but all the time with a sense of strangled desperation that he truly did not understand.

"Hello Commander!" A voice rang out behind him.

Spock closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. The smell of flowers, and grass, and what he imagined wind to smell like, if it had its own scent. Her. The illogical conclusion to his illogical problem.

He turned around to face her, folding his arms behind his back. "Good afternoon, Ensign. I trust your day is going well?"

Rebecca smiled at him warmly. "Yes, Commander, thank you. It is such a wonderful day so far!"

His brow furrowed slightly. "How do you mean, Ensign? It seems to be a day like any other."

She gestured around them. "Just so, Commander! We are in space, traveling to new and exciting places. And contained in this room is an endless stream on books and data to read. It's amazing!" She stopped, blushing. "I'm very sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to ramble."

He was surprised to discover that he was disappointed that she stopped. "No, Ensign. There is no need to apologize. I find your obvious enjoyment quite...refreshing."

She blushed deeper. "Thank you Commander."

He sighed. Here came the crux of what he had come here for. "When we are alone here in the archives, you need not worry about honorifics."

Her head shot up, eyes wide. "Sir?"

"What I mean to say is that I would pleased if you would call me Spock."

She swallowed hard and was silent for so long a moment that he began to fear he made a grave error. "Forgive me, Ensign, I didn't mean..."

"No!" She cried out, taking a step towards him before stopping. "I was just thinking that if that were the case, maybe you could call me by my first name, as well."

"Rebecca", he said it once and she smiled and nodded at him, obviously not seeing the internal struggle it caused him to speak her name aloud instead of in his head.

"It is only logical, Sir," she grinned.

Before he could reply she had turned away and began walking back to the main desk where she worked. "Is there something I can help you find?"

He followed her. "Actually, yes. I am interested to know if you have any books referencing the Time of Awakening."

She nodded. "I think I know what you're looking for. Just give me a moment." He watched as she walked away into a nearby corridor and tried unsuccessfully to not stare at her retreating figure. A quick glance up at the central working area of the archive told him that Lieutenant Harper was away for the moment. Good. What he was planning next was hardly rational, and the Vulcan part of him screamed to reconsider, and the _very_ last thing he wanted was to go ahead with it in front of Rebecca's commanding officer. After this she would probably never want to see him again. He closed his eyes.

The light pattering of footsteps in front of him interrupted his thoughts and he opened his eyes to see Rebecca coming towards him with a stack of discs.

She stopped in front of him and began to look through the files. "Fourth Century of Vulcan history, is that right?" she asked, as she slid out the two bottom discs and handed them to him.

Taken slightly aback he said, "Yes, that would be it exactly, Rebecca. I must say that I am impressed that you located what you were seeking so quickly."

"Ah, well," she stammered, "I find the history of your people so very fascinating. I've been...reading up on it lately."

"I am most glad to hear that. Perhaps when I am done reading these we could discuss them together."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle like stars. "I would like that very much, Spock."

He hesitated. "Rebecca, I was wondering..."

She took a step towards him. "Yes?"

He cleared his throat. "I know it was only a few weeks ago, but do you remember the details of the first time we met?"

She nodded, laughing nervously. "Of course. How could I forget, I almost fell and you...grabbed me."

 _Steady,_ he thought to himself. _Steady, now._ "Yes, that. I remember experiencing, a strange reaction after having caught you. I wonder if you felt it as well."

He heard the sharp intake of her breath and he watched with fascination as she bit her lip before nodding.

 _Good so far_ he thought. _At least she hasn't run away or told me I am being unprofessional. Which at this moment, I definitely am._ "Rebecca I was wondering, if we could try to replicate that...reaction. I am most interested to know if it was a chemical fluke or..."

He didn't have time to even finish the sentence before she crossed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him, her face pressed into his chest. The close proximity to her threatened to undo him. The closely guarded emotions that he kept at bay due to his Vulcan nature threatened to rise up and consume him utterly. Her soft body against his. The smell of her hair. He could do nothing else but slide his arms around her and press her to him harder. She let out a soft mewl and slid her hand underneath his left arm against his side and held it there. He felt a smile begin to form. "Whatever are you doing?"

She smiled into his shirt. "Feeling your heartbeat."

He looked down at her. "And?"

Brown eyes met his as she lifted her head from his chest. "It's racing. Same as mine."

He struggled to get himself back under control. He was unraveling much too fast. _Too soon, too soon,_ he thought and he disentangled himself from her and took a step back.

Something flashed across her face, too quick for him to determine what it was. "Well, Spock, was that the conclusion you were expecting?"

"Not exactly, no." _it was in fact, much stronger than I expected._ "I hate to leave so quickly, but I believe I am needed on the bridge shortly."

She nodded in an almost disappointed manner. "Of course, Sir. I understand."

Discs in hand he walked toward the archive exit, wishing more than anything he could stay and talk but not trusting himself to do so. The struggle to keep his feelings in check was overwhelming.

"Spock...erm...Commander?" She called out behind him.

"Yes?"

She paused for a moment. "It's just...I'll need you to return them by the end of the week at the latest. They're not supposed to be away from the archives for longer than that."

He nodded to her. "I'll see you in a few days then."

And he walked out, taking with him all the words he longed to say.


	5. Chapter 4

He walked down the hallway swiftly, desperately trying to fight the losing battle against his emotions. Every day was a constant struggle to keep the balance between his Human and Vulcan natures. And as much as he strived to reach a steady state of calm, it always seemed to be tempered with sparks of anger, joy, fear, lust. Lust. He stopped, and closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. Images of long brown hair and fathomless brown eyes filled his mind. Dammit. The best way to solve this problem was just to avoid the library archives. Yes. Logically, it would make the most sense to return the data files he had borrowed at a time he knew she wouldn't be available and from that point on just stay away. He might run into her occasionally but the Enterprise was, after all, a large ship and the chances of that occurring often were very slim. Other than the fact that he was a Commander and she an Ensign. Statistically, the odds of running into her were minimal. This made sense. So why did the thought of not seeing her again make him feel like he couldn't breathe?

A slap on his back interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey, Spock! What's going on?"

Spock turned and found himself facing his friend and Captain. "All is well with me, Captain, I hope you are fine as well."

Jim just stood there looking at his friend and smiling.

"Is there something wrong, Captain?" Spock asked.

He shook his head amusedly. "I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"What exactly are you insinuating?"

Jim let out a burst of laughter. "I'm guessing you just came from the library archives?"

Spock just stared.

"I knew it! You get that same expression on your face every time you go there. Will you just ask her out already?"

He sighed. "If you're referring to Ensign Foulks..."

"Of course that's who I'm talking about! Unless there's some other librarian on this ship that had you smitten?"

He bristled. "She's a historian, not a librarian. And I am most definitely not..."

Jim waved him away. "Whatever it is, you've got it bad. So are you going to ask her out or not?"

Spock closed his eyes. "No."

"Why not?" Jim asked. "You're not still upset about Uhura are you? That ended...what, almost a year ago now?"

Gritting his teeth he answered, "This has nothing to do with Lieutenant Uhura. It has to do with...my inability to be a functional companion for someone. I am, as you and Doctor McCoy are so eager to point out, like a robot. Who would be happy with that?" He hadn't even realized he felt that way until his friend had pushed him to the brink of anger.

Jim shook his head. "You seriously need to stop overanalyzing everything." They began to continue walking down the corridor together. "Look, Spock, I know it's none of my business. But if there's one thing I've learned since becoming Captain its that you can't take anything for granted." His face grew grim and Spock could tell he was thinking of the security Ensign that had so recently passed away while on board.

"Jim," Spock said, "You could not possibly prevented that Ensign's death."

The Captain shook his head slowly. "No, but whether or not it was my fault I am still responsible for each and every person aboard this ship." He stopped and turned to face Spock. "What I'm trying to say, is that life is a fleeting thing. We're on a starship in outer space! Who knows what we may encounter or come across? If you've found someone to love, to be with, then you should go for it. Don't let her go because if you do it might be too late."

"Who said anything about love?" Spock asked quietly.

Jim threw his arms up in exasperation. "No one did, Commander, but I can read between the lines." He leaned over to him. "Look, I know you. I know how you work. You're never just purely attracted to someone physically."

Spock smirked. "As you are?"

The Captain grinned. "Damn straight. But you...I just can't see you being attracted to someone that you didn't feel some sort of deeper connection to."

"I cannot believe...I have never thought of it that way."

Jim smiled. "This Ensign must be a special girl."

Spock closed his eyes. "You have no idea."

"So are you going to go for it?"

Spock stepped around him and continued down the hallway. "Perhaps. After more deliberation of course."

Jim rolled his eyes and grunted, _Vulcans_ under his breath before following the Commander to the bridge.


	6. Chapter 5

The following two days seemed to pass by in a hazy blur of confusion and disappointment. She went about her tasks as dutifully as usual, and if the pep that was usually in her step was minimal, Lieutenant Harper didn't comment on it. She tried to concentrate on the different histories she was sorting into their respective filing categories, but every so often she would think of a certain pair of brown eyes, a certain hardened lean body, a certain deep voice, and she would be rendered useless for a few minutes before she could get her mind back on track.

Finally, at the end of the third day, after she had completed her duties, Rebecca found herself going back to her quarters directly from the archives instead of stopping at the mess hall. She went inside and laid down on her bed without getting changed. Alone with herself she was able to give into the feelings that had plagued her the past few days and let the tears flow unhindered down her cheeks. Why in the world was this so distressing to her? It wasn't as if she had been in a relationship with _him_ and he had broken up with her. So she had been wrong in suspecting he had feelings for her, so what? What she felt when she was in his arms was obviously quite different from what he felt when he was holding her. Maybe, for him, it _was_ just some fluke thing. The tears came down harder and she put a hand over her mouth to stifle any noise she might make. _This is absolutely ridiculous,_ she thought. _I am a graduate of the Starfleet Academy! I am an Ensign on the USS Enterprise, not to mention the fact that I am a grown woman, so knock this off and get a hold of yourself!_

The rough pep talk worked, and she felt the tears begin to ebb, even if the sadness didn't. She was beginning to realize that in the time she had spent, however brief it was, with the Commander in the archives she had been steadily growing feelings for him. Feelings that did not seem quite...appropriate given her station. But she couldn't help it. Whenever he visited the archives and they talked about books or history she felt as if she had been connecting with him on a level deeper than she was used to experiencing. Their love of knowledge seemed to bring them closer, at least it had certainly _seemed_ that way, although now she was beginning to understand that it had been one sided. Obviously, the Commander just thought of her as a fellow shipmember, a part of the crew, and nothing more. She wiped her eyes and looked out the window at the stars. _I really am just a huge social mess,_ she thought tiredly. _I don't have the slightest idea what it means to be in a relationship. I couldn't love my way out of a wet paper bag._ She choked back a laugh that sounded more like a sob and covered her eyes with her hand. She was just so tired. She still wasn't sleeping right, the nightmare about being trapped seemed to haunt her every other night or so. And even though she was thousands of miles away from Earth, she could still feel the havoc in her soul that her family had wreaked upon her. And it wasn't as if she felt as though she _needed_ him, or any man for that matter to make her happy. She had never been in a serious relationship before, with anyone. She did fine on her own, was happy on her own. But when she had met Spock...it seemed that they had seen through each other, past the daily humdrum facades that people carried around, past the skeletons in each of their closets, past all the bullshit that normally keeps people from really knowing each other. For a short time, when she was with him, it felt as if they transcended all that and were speaking to each other, soul to soul. _But obviously,_ she thought, gritting her teeth, _that's a huge load of bullshit._

The 'bing' of the door com interrupted her thoughts. She checked her watch. _Lea doesn't get off for another half hour at least, who else could it possibly be?_ She stood up, smoothed out her dress and walked over to the door intercom. "This is Ensign Foulks, how may I help you?"

"Rebecca. It's me."


	7. Chapter 6

She blanched. Out of all the people it could have been, it had to be _him_. What in the hell was he doing here? She cleared her throat. "Yes, Commander, how may I help you?"

She could hear him sigh on the other side of the door. "May I please come in? I need to discuss something with you."

Rebecca hesitated, aware of the fact that she looked like a right mess at the moment and that if she opened the door the Commander of the ship, the _COMMANDER_ of the ship would be in her personal quarters. _Holy Christ, I think I may be having a stroke!_ she thought wildly as she hastily ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to get rid of any stray tangles.

"Or I could continue to stand in the hallway and we can have this conversation between the door," he said amusedly. "It is up to you, Ensign."

Unable to stall any longer, she granted the computer access to open the door and suddenly he was face to face with her. _I'm not ready for this! God help me, I'm not._ She kept her eyes on his chest as she stepped back to allow him into her room. _Just don't make eye contact_ she thought as she said aloud. "What can I do for you, Sir? If you wanted to return the data files you could have just delivered them to the archives."

She could feel his intense stare boring into her. "I thought we agreed that you were going to call me Spock."

She looked away. "That was before your failed...experiment."

"Failed? I do not understand your meaning." He took a step closer. "And why won't you look at me?" He reached for her chin and when she didn't move away he tilted it up so that she was looking straight into his eyes. She felt a jolt shoot of pure emotion shoot through her stomach.

"You have been crying." It wasn't a question.

Embarrassed, she shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

He grabbed her arms. Hard. "I can tell you are lying. I cannot bear to think of you lying to me. And what did you mean by failed?"

He was holding her hard enough to make her wince but instead of being alarmed she felt shivers of desire pulsing through her. _What the hell?_ "I...won't lie to you, but do you promise not to lie to me?"

He let go of her. "I am Vulcan. I cannot lie, you know this."

She took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought. _He's going to flee here like a bat out of hell once I unload all this crap on him._ "What I mean to say, Sir, I mean...Spock...is that I was crying, but it was because of my own delusions about what happened the other day."

"Your own delusions? I do not understand."

She sighed. _Really? I really have to spell this out?_ "Yes. You see...oh I am so not good at this!" She took a deep breath. "Okay. I have feelings for you, feelings that you would probably consider inappropriate to be completely honest. And, after you left the other day, it made me understand that you don't feel the same way. So, if you would rather not come and deal with me in the archives any longer I completely understand. Sir. And I apologize that you had to see me like this." She looked up at him bravely. _If he pities me right now, I swear to god I'm going to die of shame._

But it wasn't pity she saw in his eyes. In fact, she couldn't determine _what_ exactly it was that was roiling underneath his calm exterior, but something was. His body had gone taut and rigid, and Rebecca wasn't sure if he was going to launch himself at her or storm out of the room.

Instead he said, "Is that why you think I walked out the other day? That I do not have feelings for you?"

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Well, yes. Why else would you have left?"

He closed his eyes. "Did you not feel how fast my heart was racing? Rebecca, you are the most beautiful, complicatedly exquisite creature I have ever seen. You really have no idea what you are doing to me, do you?"

Rebecca's eyes widened. She couldn't believe she was hearing this. "Sir?"

He whispered, so softly she could barely hear him, "I grow tired of trying to stay away from you." And before she could ask him what the hell he meant he moved toward her and instantly she was his arms, his hands knotted in her hair, face pressed up against her neck. "You are tearing a hole in me," he whispered into her ear. "And filling it with things I never knew existed."

The whole thing was so sudden there was no time even to think, only to react. She shuddered with pleasure at his words and dug her fingers into his blue shirt, pulling him closer. She took a few steps until she felt the wall against her back and gasped as he gently tugged her head back with her hair so they were looking into each others eyes. "If you don't kiss me right now," she panted, "I think I may just die."

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity of waiting, he leaned his head down and pressed his lips against hers. Despite the roughness of his advance, his kiss was gentle and yielding. She felt his lips part and heard him groan softly as she slid her tongue into his mouth. _This is what it must have felt like when Icarus got too close to the sun,_ she thought. All hot melting wax and feathers and falling, endless falling. She felt herself unwinding gracelessly, as if all the atoms she was composed of would simultaneously burst from her and scatter across the universe. _I never knew being this close to someone could bring such bliss._ Dimly she was aware that he had pulled away and was softly saying her name, over and over. She looked into his dark brown eyes and thought if she could just fall into them forever, she would be completely happy.

"Do you see?" he asked. "Do you see now how you break apart my control?"

She bit her lip. "You argue a good point, Sir."

"I am sorry that I gave you the wrong impression the other day when we were in the archives. I was terribly afraid that if I stayed around you for one minute longer I would not be able to contain myself." His eyes darkened. "And I will be unable to control myself further if you do not stop biting that lip, Rebecca."

She immediately stopped. _So that turned him on? Interesting._ "Spock, I feel I should apologize as well. I should have asked you what was going on the other day, instead of drawing my own conclusions. I promise to be open with you and to...trust you." She took a deep breath. "Look, I know why Lieutenant Uhura broke up with you."

He looked at her steadily.

She continued, "It was because she didn't understand who you really are. All she wanted was the human side of you, and didn't understand that the Vulcan was just as much a part of you as the other. You...are a very complex man, Spock. But I care about you as a whole, as the sum of your parts, and I want nothing more than to know all of you. If you'll let me." She took his hand and placed it on her chest, so he could feel her heart beating, unable to believe how this incredible man had come into her life.

He smiled at her before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "At this moment, there is nothing that would make me happier, Rebecca."


	8. Chapter 7

It was truly amazing what a difference a person could make in the life of another. Since she and Spock had started their awkwardly tenuous relationship, Rebecca felt as if she had a huge balloon filled with joy in her chest that no one else could see but her. And sometimes, when she was least expecting it, it took her by surprise. She could be inputting data or working on a research project and then suddenly think of his hands, his eyes, or the way his calm demeanor deteriorated with her touch, and she would be rendered useless for the next few minutes while she stood there in a haze, blushing furiously.

This was the first time she had been in an actual relationship, so everything seemed new and fresh, like a bright dewy morning. Sure, she had casually dated before, but not with anyone she _really_ cared for. She had built a tower up around her heart and she was perfectly comfortable with that. She didn't exactly push people away, but she was also reticent about letting anyone get too close. Aside from Lea, there was no one else she could honestly say she earnestly cared for. But Spock...Spock was different. He didn't even seem to _try_ to get past her defenses, yet he slipped through them as effortlessly as if they were nonexistent. He didn't make her feel insignificant or useless. When they were together he talked with her as if she were something special, like an equal, which was a whole new experience in and of itself.

She had seem him almost every night since they started dating. Since the night he had first kissed her. The night she thought she would catch on fire from the heat of her desire. They hadn't progressed much farther, physically, in fact most of the time he came to visit her in her room they would sit and talk for hours; about everything and nothing. But there was a lot of kissing. Oh, she had never known what a delight kissing could be! _And to think,_ she thought to herself as she walked back to her room at the end of her shift, _I've gone my whole life without ever feeling this way._ Sometimes they would lay together on her bed, her head tucked into the crook of his neck and listen while he told her about Vulcan. Sometimes they would sit at her small table and drink tea and talk about books and literature they had both read. She wanted to go further, who wouldn't with a gorgeous specimen like him? But he didn't push the issue, and she wasn't rushing things. There was no need. They would get there when they got there. And she was, truth be told, sort of enjoying the steady pace their relationship was taking. It was like falling slowly, gently through liquid gold. And if other people found his half Vulcan nature a bit standoffish it just made her adore him all the more. The fact that he so seldom reacted emotionally to others made the fact that he chose her all the more flattering.

Her stomach did a little flip as she realized that tonight was the first night she would be going to his room, instead of just meeting him in her quarters. Once she got to her room she quickly got a shower and changed into a yellow sundress. It was probably overkill, but at this point she didn't care and just wanted to look especially pretty for him.

As she walked down the corridors to his room she smiled and waved at a few familiar faces that went by, but thankfully no one stopped to engage her in conversation. She didn't feel like making up a reason as to why she was dressed up. As far as she knew the only people who were aware of their relationship was the Captain, Lea, and Dr. McCoy. Spock had never implicitly told her so, but she got the feeling that she should probably keep it a secret. As least for now. And she couldn't blame him for that. This was a new experience for both of them, and it made sense to keep it on a more personal level for now, at least until they could be sure about one another. Other than the fact that it was completely unprofessional to flaunt their relationship. She sighed wistfully. _It was still nice to dream of though,_ she thought.

Her heart began to race as she got closer to his quarters. It was a slightly...alarming sort of awareness that was coursing through her. She wondered if she felt too much for him. She wondered if it was too soon. She _even_ wondered if maybe it was blossoming into love. _Not that!_ she thought, starting to panic. _Isn't it way too soon for that?_ Ever since she was a little girl, she had worried that she felt things...a bit stronger than most other people did. It was honestly one of the things that had attracted her to the Vulcan people in the first place. Because of their calm dispostions, most people just equated Vulcan stoicism with not having any feelings at all, when the truth was actually just the oppostie. Through her studies she had learned that Vulcans learned to control their emotions because they felt things on a stronger and deeper level than humans did. The depth that their emotions ran caused them to develop their stoic natures so as to bring their people down on a more peaceful state of being for the betterment of their entire culture. _So maybe we're the same in this way too,"_ she thought with a smile.

She reached his door but before she sould announce herself it pinged open of its own accord. _Did he...input my information into the system so that it would automatically open when I come over?_ Touched deeply by this display of trust, she entered his room tentatively and looked around. He was sitting at a table with his back turned to her, writing next to a large stack of books. Books? She was momentarily distracted by the fact that he had actual _books_ here instead of digital copies. She had quite a few paper books herself, but no where near as in good condtion as his were.

She ran over to the table and began picking them up. "Oh, wow, Spock!" she squealed "This is so amazing, where did you get these?"

He set down what he was writing and looked up at her, the edges of his mouth twitched. "It is nice to see you as well."

She smiled and sat on his lap. "Sorry. You know how I get distracted easily, espescially when it comes to books!"

He ran his hands up her back, and she closed her eyes, relishing the feel of his touch on her skin. "I do understand," he said softly. "I find there are many things as of late that are distracting to me as well." He gently tilted her forward so she was nose to nose with him, and she leaned forward the rest of the way and pressed her lips to his. She sighed softly as she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, holding him close. Bliss.

As much as she wanted to kiss him forever, curiosity won out in the end and she pulled back to look around his quarters. It was bigger than hers, which she obviously expected, him being the ship's Commander. She tried not to look at his bed, knowing that as soon as she did her skin would turn bright pink and he would wonder what she was thinking about. Something on the table next to his bed however, caught her eye. She gasped and put a hand to her mouth.

"What is it?" Spock asked, sitting up straight.

"Is that a Vulcan harp?" she asked breathlessly.

He looked over to where she was staring. "Yes, although technically it's known as a lute."

She sprang out of his lap and ran over to it. "Is it made out of Li'Pon wood?"

He followed her over. "Yes, with Bahun'ahb inlay."

She looked up at him in wonder. "Can I touch it?"

He raised an eyebrow.

She blushed furiously. "The _lute!_ " she exclaimed. _Sheesh. Who knew Vulcan's could have such pervy minds? I'll fix him!_ She bit her lip and looked at him, batting her eyes. "May I please touch your lute, Sir?"

His eyes darkened with ill concealed desire and he cleared his throat. "Yes, of course."

After kicking off her shoes she picked up the lute and setting down on the edge of the bed with it, her legs curled underneath her. It truly was a beautiful piece. She ran her fingers over it lightly. "The only ones I've seen had five strings, but this one seems to have a few more."

He sat next to her. "Yes, they are usually tuned on a diatonic scale, but mine is tuned on a twelve tone chromatic scale, which is why it has twelve strings instead of the usual five."

She nodded knowingly, causing him to look at her bemusedly. "Sometimes I believe that you know as much about the Vulcan culture as a Vulcan."

She looked at him shyly. "Would you play something for me?"

Now it was his turn to blush. She didn't think she would ever get tired of watching of seeing the green tint rush across his face. "If it is pleasing to you, I would be honored."

He took the lute from her and his fingers danced across the strings gently, yet firmly. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever head. She had watched performances on vid screens of Vulcan lute preformances, but hearing it in person, with someone she cared deeply for, was a one of a kind experiance. She stretched out, pulling her hair back and laying her head on his pillow as she watched him play. She tried not to be obvious about breathing deeply, trying to fill her mind with the scent of him which still clung to his pillow. A soft tangy muskiness, which was unlike anything she had ever smelled before. The notes of the lute flowed through the air in a stream of music. Beautiful. Mysterious. Intoxicating. Completely relaxed, she gave over to the sound of him playing and closed her eyes.

***

She sat up with a jolt, surprised to see how dark the room had gotten. Spock was still sitting in the same spot, looking at her, his eyes intense. She looked around and rubbed her eyes, completley embarressed that she had fallen asleep. "I am so sorry, Spock, I can't believe I dozed off like that."

He shook his head. "It is nothing to worry about, you've had a long day and I am glad that my music was calming enough to allow you to give in to rest." He looked away. "It is getting late. Would you like me to walk you back to your room?"

 _No,_ she thought. _I want to stay here all night so you can ravish me._ Shit, where did _that_ come from? But he hadn't invited her to spend the night, to take that next step, and she wasn't going to embarress herself by asking to do so. "No, I'll be okay getting back on my own."

He stood up, taking her hands in his and helped her off the bed. "Will I see you tommorrow?" he asked

She thought a minute. "I'm not sure. I have a double shift so I may not get done until pretty late. I'll call you tommorrow, okay?"

He nodded and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. She wrapped her arms around him wishing it would last forever. All too soon though, she found herself leaving and walking back to her room. _I really should have asked him if I could stay,_ she thought dejectedly. _I care about him, and I know he cares for me, so I really need to just grow some cojones and do it!_ She smiled, thinking of what his reaction would be if she launched herself at him and started taking his clothes off. She was so caught up in this fantasy, not watching where she was going, that she stumbled into a man leaning against the wall.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She looked at the stripe on his red sleeves. "I apologize, Lieutenant, for not watching where I was going! Are you...okay?"

He looked extremely flushed and his eyes were glassy. "I'm alright, Ensign. Hey! Look at you, all dolled up! Where are you headed to?"

 _Oh god,_ she groaned to herself. _Did I seriously have to run into a drunk liutenant on my way home? Is this really happening right now?_ She kept her face as placid as possible. "Just back to my room." She took a step around him, attempting to pass him and was shocked when he reached a hand out and grabbed her wrist.

"Aw, c'mon! I've got some more gin back in my quarters, why don't we go back there?"

She pushed away the disgust that was steadily rising in her and said firmly. "No. Let go of my arm, Lieutanant. Now."

He laughed. "Oh, so you're going to play hard to get, huh?"

She gritted her teeth and was about to scream like hell when suddenly the lieutantant dropped her wrist and fell to his knees. She looked up in shock to see Spock standing there, his expression murderous. "Are you okay?"

She nodded wordlessly.

She watched with fascination as he calmed himself down, the anger falling from his face to be replaced with steady resolve. "Do you have somewhere you need to be, Lieutenant?"

The guy stood up, looking abashed. "No, Commander. I'll be going back to my quarters now, Sir." He started walking off in the other direction, momentarily sobered by the Commanders wrath.

Spock nodded. "See that you do. And Lieutenant?"

The man turned around. "Sir?"

Spock stepped up behind her and placed a hand on the middle of her back, steadying her. "If I find out that you have bothered Ensign Foulks again, I will make your life aboard this ship a veritable hell. Are we clear?"

The Lieutenant's mouth dropped open (making him look like a strangled fish) as he looked at them standing there. He nodded once and then swiftly continued on his way.

Once he was gone, Rebecca let out a breath of relief. "Thank you, Commander."

Keeping his hand on her back, he lead her down the hall. "It would appear you were _not_ okay getting back on your own."

She flushed angrily. "I was fine before that guy started giving me a hard time. I've walked all over the ship and never run into a problem like that before." A few minutes passed as they walked silently back to her quarters. She gathered up the nerve to say, "You know there will be talk now. About us."

He grunted in reply. "It was just one person. I doubt gossip will travel that quickly due to this incident."

She snorted. "You must be really out of touch to not know how fast gossip travels, espescially in confined places like a ship."

They were quiet again as they walked. A few minutes later he asked her, "Does that bother you, that people will know about us?"

"No," she admitted. "Not at all, since I know it won't interfere with our duties." She looked up at him. "Does it bother _you?_

He stopped. "Of course not, why would it?"

She felt a wave of happiness wash over her. She suddenly felt a million times better. Whatever did she do to deserve this wonderful man. She smiled and they contined walking until they reached her door. As it opened and she stepped inside, she turned one last time to him. "Spock...why did you follow me, anyway? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you did. And thank you for that by the way, but why...did you step in?"

He looked confused, as if she had asked an illogical question. "Because you are mine."

In any other circumstances, a comment like that would have pissed her off. But coming from him; this was no male ego talking, no possesivness taking over, rather it was just an honest statement, meant from the bottom of his heart. She felt tears swell in her eyes. "Thank you, Spock."

He nodded to her, and then turned and walked away. She stood there in her doorway, watching until she couldn't see him anymore.

***

Morning came all too soon, as she had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to cool down or rest properly. She dragged herself to the library archives, and almost passed by her Lieutenant's desk without wishing her a good morning. Once she realized this, she backtracked a few steps to talk with her and was surprised to see her sitting there smiling at her.

"Good morning, Lieutenant?" she asked tentatively.

"So." she started. "You and Commander Spock, huh?"

A few days ago this would have caused her to blush. But after last night, she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Yes, Lieutenant."

The Lieutenant smiled warmly at her. "I'm glad to hear it, Ensign. I've known the Commander for a long time, and if there is anyone who deserves some happiness, its him. And somehow I can tell that you are just the one to do that for him."

She felt the balloon in her chest swell with happiness and pride. "Thank you, Ma'am. I will certainly try."

She went and started her duties for the day, feeling as if she were the luckiest Ensign in the universe.


	9. Chapter 8

_Captains Log. Our position, orbiting Psi2000. An ancient world, now a frozen wasteland about to rip apart in its death throes. Our mission; pick up a scientific part below; observe the disintegration of the planet._

Rebecca was in the back of the archives, working on a historical project about various Federation planets and societies. She was so engrossed in her work that she jumped a bit in her seat when her comlink went off and Lieutenant Harper asked her to come to the front of the archives. Standing up, she smoothes out her dress and walked to the front. When she got there she saw her superior conversing with another science officer. Rebecca hesitated politely, not wanting to intrude on their conversation. But her supervisor saw her and beckoned her over. She stepped up and clasped her hands behind her back differentially, while the other science officer turned and faced her. She was pretty, with short blonde hair, and looked to be not much older than herself.

"You must be Ensign Foulks," she said in a crisp British accent. "Lieutenant Harper has just been saying some really great things about you."

She flushed, but stood a little straighter. "Thank you, everything I have learned has been due to the prowess of Lieutenant Harper."

"Well," said the science officer. "Smart _and_ humble. I like that." She held out her hand and Rebecca shook it. "I'm Lieutenant Marcus. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ensign."

Rebecca smiled back. "Likewise, Lieutenant. What can I do for you? Is there something I can help you find?"

Lieutenant Marcus glanced back at Lieutenant Harper. "Not exactly," she said. "What do you know, if anything, about Psi2000?"

Rebebcca thought for a moment. "To the best of my recollection from recent star charts its a C-class planet, and part of the United Federation. It's in the Alpha Quadrant, and I believe...its located somewhere between the Tholian Assembly and Romulus. It's uninhabited, but thought to be once very similar to Earth."

Lieutenant Harper nodded. "That is correct. But what you may not know is that this planet's sun darkened many years ago. Ever since that point, it has deteriorated to the point of destruction."

Rebecca blinked. "Wow. It must be an exceptionally old planet."

Lieutenant Marcus piped in, "It is. And since it bears many similarities to Earth the Federation sent out a science team a few months ago to document the impending destruction and to see if there was anything they could do to prevent it." She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "The assumption was that if they found anything of use it could then be documented to be used in the preservation of Earth."

Rebecca nodded. "That's a great idea. Did they find anything of interest or importance?"

Lieutenant Marcus frowned. "No one has heard anything from them in almost three weeks."

They were silent for a moment, all considering what could have befallen the science crew.

Rebecca fidgeted, still unsure of why Lieutenant Marcus was there.

Lieutenant Harper caught her eye. "Starfleet has hailed the Enterprise since we're the closet starship to the area, and they asked the Captain to send another team down to see if perhaps the original team is having an equipment problem or it there is any other way we can assist them."

"The Captain asked me to be a part of the landing part," explained Lieutenant Marcus. "And I advised him that a records officer would also be a great benefit to have on this expedition, since that person would be able to document any records that are found and take notes about the planet while it is still safe to do so."

Rebecca's eyes lit up. "To be able to document a dying planet's last days would be extraordinary!"

Lieutenant Harper stepped forward and put her hand on Rebecca's shoulder. "Lieutenant Marcus wanted to know if I would be willing to go with her, but I recommended you instead."

Rebecca froze, momentarily stunned by the enormity of what her supervisor just said. "Lieutenant Harper..." she started.

He supervisor held her hand up. "Stop. I know what you are going to say, as I know you far too well, Ensign." She smiled. "Before you say another word, let me say what I would. Yes, you are completely qualified to go on this mission. Your extensive background and knowledge of historical research are proof enough for that. Yes, I would rather send you than go myself, because how else will you ever gain any experience if I just leave you here and do everything myself? And lastly, I believe in you, and know you will do a good job." She looked amused. "Well Ensign, does that quell any reservations you may have had?"

Rebecca swallowed hard, trying to force down the sudden hard knot of emotion that was lodged in her throat. "Yes, ma'am. And...thank you. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't." She turned to Lieutenant Marcus. "I'll leave you two to it then." She walked away, leaving Rebecca feeling an overwhelming sense of excitement and fear.

"Alright then," Lieutenant Marcus said turning back to her. "Are you ready?"

***

She clasped her hands in front of her and tried desperately to calm down. Her and the Lieutenant were standing in the turbo-lift as it rose steadily, taking them to the bridge. She had _never_ been there before, and the thought of being somewhere so important made her slightly nauseous. _Relax, relax, relax,_ she told herself. _This is NOT a big deal. You can do this. You were MADE for this. And Lieutenant Harper believes in you._ She smiled to herself. _And lots of others do too. Lea does for sure, and so does Spock. And you know what? I believe in myself. I got this._

"Nervous?"

Rebecca looked at her companion from the corner of her eye and let out a nervous laugh. "Absolutely. Is it that obvious?"

Lieutenant Marcus shook her head. "No, not particularly. I just remember how nervous I was the first time I was on the bridge. Granted, the circumstances were a little more...intense." She winked at her.

Rebecca felt a rush of gratitude towards the girl. "I'm excited to be going down to Psi2000, how about you Lieutenant?"

Lieutenant Marcus waved her hand at her. "Please, when we're not on an actual mission, you can call me Carol. I have a feeling we are going to be great friends."

Rebecca's heart warmed. Lea and Spock were her only friends, mostly she considered everyone else in her life to be a mere acquaintance, with the exception of Lieutenant Harper, whom she considered to be more along the lines of a mentor than a friend. She wasn't snobby or standoffish, just hesitantly unsure of why anyone would really want to _be_ her friend. _It would be so nice to let someone else in_ , she thought as she nodded happily to Carol. _And I bet Lea would like her too, she seems really straightforward and nice._

She didn't have time to dwell on it however, because at that moment the turbo-lift door opened and the bridge was upon them. After receiving verbal permission to enter the bridge, she followed Carol and took a look around, her eyes soaking everything up like a sponge. The place was a veritable hub of activity. Crewmembers in shades of red, blue, and yellow moved about their various stations. Bright lights and soft electronic noises filled the room, and she was pleasantly surprised to see how efficiently everyone moved. Everyone had a place, knew it, and was comfortable with it. She gazed at it all with a slight look of awe.

"Warp factor one, Mr. Sulu."

"Aye, Captain."

Suddenly the Captain spun his chair around and got up to greet them. "Lieutenant Marcus, I see you've found your records officer." He turned to her with a grin. "Ensign Foulks, it's good to see you again. Glad to know you'll be a part of this project." His eyes darted behind her to where she knew Spock was standing and she fought the urge to turn around and look at him, struggling to keep everything strictly professional. She nodded respectively at the Captain. "Thank you sir, I am overjoyed to be able to help out on this excursion. I am grateful to you and to lieutenant Marcus for being allowed this opportunity."

"I'm sure my team will do a great job, I have a lot of faith in my crew"

She felt a surge of pride rush through her.

He ran a finger along his lower lip, thinking. "The planet is uninhabited according to out scanners but since we don't have any idea of what happened to the original crew I'm sending two security personnel to accompany you. I'd like to keep this landing party as small as possible, but even so I would like for you to bring along someone with an engineering background as well, in case there's any equipment you may need to bring back or even fix on the spot."

Rebecca thought quickly, seeing an opportunity. "Captain, if I may make a suggestion?"

He nodded his assent.

"I know of an Ensign that is training under Liuetenant Commander Scott and her engineering prowess is absolutely fantastic, which you can verify with the Commander if you need proof."

A slow smile grew on his face. "Ah, you must mean Ensign Bowen. Yes, I've been hearing great things about her as well. And she's not too bad in a fight either." He chuckled at personal memory. "Nice idea, Ensign. I'll contact Scotty and see if he can spare her for this brief excursion. Get your things ready, I want to beam you down this evening, if at all possible."

***

The ride down was somehow chillier than the ride up. Carol was quiet, not speaking to her at all. And after a few minutes of silence she began to wonder if she had done something wrong. But before she could ask, Carol finally spoke.

"So, you already knew the Captain beforehand?"

Startled by the randomness of the question she answered, "Yes."

Carol nodded curtly then sank back into a frosty silence, leaving her slightly flabbergasted.

"He has a reputation, you know." Carol said, breaking the silence yet again.

"Erm...yes, I have heard rumors about..." Suddenly she knew what this was all about, remembering the Captain's obvious delight in seeing her again. _Shit._

"Ah, Carol?"

The Lieutenant turned towards her a fraction of an inch.

"Ah, if you thought...it isn't...I don't..." She sighed. _This is about the get awkward_ she thought tiredly. "I have absolutely no interest in the Captain in that way. I have met him before, briefly, but mainly he knows me because of my relationship with Commander Spock."

Carol turned all the way around. "You and Spock? Really? What is THAT like?"

She blushed furiously. "Nevermind that! Just, you don't have to worry about anything like that, okay? The Captain's all yours!"

Carol turned back around with a sniff. "Who said I wanted him?"

But Rebecca could see the satisfied smile on her face.

***

Rebecca sat in the mess hall eating dinner and hardly believing her luck. Not only was she going to be going on her first real mission offship, but Lea would be coming as well. _Even if nothing exciting happens, I'm sure I will remember this moment forever,_ she thought happily as she listened to Lea and Carol chatting away as if they had known each other forever. After that initial awkward icebreaking that had occurred on the turbo-lift, Rebecca felt as if she had taken another step down the path of friendship with the lieutenant and she couldn't be happier. At least...until she saw Spock come towards her from across the mess hall. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest as he approached.

"Good evening Ensign Bowen, Liuetenent Marcus...and Rebecca." he stood there formally with his hands behind his back, but she could see the pleasure on his face at being able to address her informally in public, even if no one else could tell. She longed for the privacy of her quarters, where she could slip her hands in his and lay her head on his chest.

He sat down across from her. "I know you too well to try and tell you not to worry about the mission. Your overanxious personality requires you to analyze and scrutinize situations to the point of worry everytime, so I will not waste time with that sentiment."

Carol rolled her eyes and Lea stifled a giggle, while she smiled at him. _Well, I can't say he doesn't know me!_

"I will however, express that I do wish you to be careful, have a safe trip, and that I will see you upon your return." With that, he bowed slightly and got up and left the mess hall.

The girls were silent for a moment before Carol spoke up. "Well that was...romantic...sort of. Actually, no not really."

Lea shrugged and smiled at her. "That's just Spock. That was actually really sweet, for him."

Rebecca blushed. "I could tell what he meant, he was just being...you know...logical."

Carol leaned over and tucked a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear.

Startled, she asked, "What was that for?"

Carol sat back in her seat. "Just checking your ears for pointiness. You sounded so much like a Vulcan just then that I wanted to make sure your boyfriend wasn't rubbing off on you."

Lea roared with laughter while Rebecca smiled back, trying to hold in her own laughter. _What did I do to deserve such people in my life? I am truly blessed._ They finished their meal together and then headed back to their quarters to get changed and prepare for the transporter room.


	10. Chapter 9

Rebecca couldn't help but feel tremors of excitement course through her as she stood in the transporter room waiting for everyone to get situated. As the Captain has promised, there were two security officers accomanying them. Their names were Talbot and Lavigne and they seemed nice enough. She fidgeted a bit under her jumpsuit which they had the landing party outfitted with to protect them against any bacteria or diseases that could be running rampant down on the planet below. She glanced to her right and saw Lea looking at her. When she caught her eye, Lea gave her a thumbs up and a smile. She smiled back, and looked over to her other side to see Carol staring ahead, seemingly lost in thought.

The Captain came in and stepped up to them. "I'll have Lieutenant Sulu send over the coordiantes to the station momentarily. He's adjusted it so that you should be beaming down right in the middle of the science station, where the original team should be situated." He paused. "I don't know what could have happened to the other crew, being that its an uninhabitated planet, but the danger is still real so I want everyone to be very careful."

They all nodded, and he continued. "Starfleet _does_ however want a full description about what went wrong down there, whether it was an eqipment malfunction or some other issue. So everyone's documentation has to be precise. Any questions?" They looked at each other before shaking their heads.

The Captain took a step towards them and lowered his voice. "Lieutenants Talbot and Lavigne?"

"Yes Captain?" they asked.

Jim looked as if he was fighting back a smile. "I will have two very disgruntled highly ranked officers on my hands if anything happens to these girls," he said, looking at her and Lea. He locked eyes with Carol and paused. "They're special, so keep them safe, okay?"

The two men nodded as she felt a tinge of red creep across her face. _Did the Captain REALLY just say that in front of everyone?_ She risked a quick glance at the others and saw Lea trying to hold back a smile and Carol was trembling slightly. Sheesh. She knew he could be a bit...laxidasical when it came to following protocol, but it still gave her a bit of a start to hear him mention their personal relationships out loud. She wondered if he would ever stop surprising her. She was startled to discover that she didn't ever want him to. As much as it scared her to think that way, the Captain and some of the other officers were starting to feel like...family. The other night when her and Spock had attended the party that Jim had hosted she had been surprised to find that she had enjoyed herself immensely, even though they didn't stay long. They felt so warm and familiar to her, like they had all known each other for a long long time. She found herself wishing they could all stay together forever.

"Alright," Jim said, "Find out what happened down there, see if they need help, and make contact with us as soon as you can." With a final nod to the away team he turned and walked away.

"Standing by for coordinates," the transporter operator said. A moment or so later he punched a sequence of buttons in and a warm tingling surrounded her as they beamed down to Psi 2000.

***

She could feel the cold seeping through her suit even before she opened her eyes. She looked around, startled to see that the doors to the station had been left open, and snow was pouring in the front of the building. Judging by the large piles of snow against the wall, it looked like the doors had been left open for quite awhile. Her and Lea rushed forward and pushed them shut, fighting against the screaming wind, while Carol looked around bewilderdly. "What happened here?" she asked aloud. The place seemed deserted; a fine layer of frost covered the desks and crunched underfoot as they crossed the room to get to the stairs. Talbot and Lavigne went first; phasers out, followed by Carol, Lea, and herself. Now that the doors were shut and the wind wasn't crashing through, an eere silence seemed to hang over the building. They entered the first room and stopped dead in their tracks. She looked over Carol's shoulder and gasped. There were five bodies laying on the floor, each one covered with a thin layer of frost. This room, as the one below it, had all the windows open. Carol pushed past the guards and stepped up to the first one, bending down to inspect it.

"Can you tell what happened?" Rebecca asked Carol softly. Despite the tone of her voice her words seemed to reverberate and echo across the room.

Carol inspected the body for a minute before responding, "Come here a minute. Tell me if you understand this any better than me."

She walked over and crouched down next to her. "What did you find?"

Carol nodded to the body. "What's your first impression?"

She looked down and almost fell over in shock. She couldn't tell before because of all the ice covering it, but once she got closer she could tell that the body didn't have any clothes on. She looked up at Carol in surprise as she nodded. "Why did this person take their clothes off? Especially if the doors and windows were all open?"

Carol shook her head and looked around. "I have no idea. There are piles of clothes everywhere, see? It looks like all of these people are naked. And those doors and windows all look as if they were opened from the inside."

Lavigne and Talbot shifted uncomfortably as they looked around the room. "Lieutenant Marcus?" Talbot asked. "It looks like they were maybe having a party."

Carol looked back at them. "What makes you say that?"

He gestured to the floor. "Look at all the glasses. And there are a few wine bottles too."

They all looked and saw he was right. Broken pieces of glass and empty bottles littered the floor, and it looked like there were plates frozen to the floor as well.

"It looks like all the equipment is in working order too," Lea called out from the other side of the room. "But, it was all turned off." She looked up confusedly. "Once I plugged it back in and rebooted the system I could tell it was all in working order."

Carol raised her arms in exasperation. "So the obvious conclusion is that these people just opened all the doors and windows, unplugged their equipment, took off their clothes, and decided to have a party? Is that what my report is going to have to say?"

They all looked at each other, at a loss for words. Logically, it was obvious that it happened as Carol had stated. Even though it didn't make any sense.

"The question is why?" Rebecca asked. "What in the world could have made these people do this?"

Carol looked around again. "How many people were in the original team?"

Rebecca quickly glanced over her notes. "Seven."

Carol counted again. "That means we're missing two somewhere." She looked over at Lavigne and Talbot. "Could you guys check out the other rooms up here, see if you can find them?" They nodded and left the room. "Ensign Foulks, why don't you see if there is any documentation or files you can find that may give us an idea of what happened here. I'll help Ensign Bowen with this equipment and see if we can salvage anything to take back to the ship." Rebecca nodded.

"I don't know if the cold and ice damaged any of these internal circuits but I'll see what I can do," Lea said.

"Sounds good," Rebecca said. "I'll see what I can turn up." She left the room and walked down the hallway. It was short, the building wasn't very big after all, and only three other rooms were left. As she approached the first one, she almost bumped into the security guards who were on their way out. "Found the other two," Lavigne said grimly as they walked past her to report back to Carol. She grimaced as she entered the room. Right on top of a pile of blankets were two people, entwined. Fascinated, she walked closer. They too, were naked, and it seemed as if they had died while embracing. She walked up to the open window and shut it, evrn though at this point it was basically useless. She looked out at the swirling gray and blue for a moment, lost in thought, before heading abck out the way she came to inspect the other rooms.

***

While she didn't find anything conclusive about what had happened to the crew, she did locate a plethora of information about the planet itself. _This is really fascinating stuff,_ she thought as she leafed through some paperwork regarding the earlier periods of history of the planet. _The archive could really benefit from this information._ A started cry shook her out of her reverie. She jumped to her feet and ran to the room where the others were to see Carol berating Talbot. She walked up to Lea and asked quietly, "What happened?"

Lea shook her head. "Carol caught Talbot handlin something without his gloves on."

Rebecca's eyes widened. "Oh wow. We were told by the Captain to not, under any circumstances, expose ourselves to the elements down here, in case there were any contagions. Why would he go against his orders?"

Lea nodded. "Apparently, it was only for a second and it was to gather up the remaining glass pieces." She shrugged. "He said that they were easier to pick up that way. I'll tell you what though," she chuckled, "I wouldn't want to trade places with him right now, Carol is pretty pissed, rightfully so."

Rebecca agreed. She loved Carol as a friend, and respected her immensely as a lieutenant, and she didn't ever want to find herself on her bad side.

Talbot left the room, followed by Lavigne and Carol walked up to the girls and sighed. "I think we'll be okay. It _was_ only for a second, and hopefully the cold would have killed anything that we may have been normally exposed to. So, really, I guess we should be thankful that these people left all the windows and doors open." She sighed again. "I'll have to make sure we al go through the decontamination process in the transporter thoroughly, just in case we did pick up anything unexpected. Still, I could have just flayed that prat for potentially putting us all in danger. I'll have to take it up with the Captain when we get back." She looked around. "Alright, I think we're done here. We got everything we could salvage." She turned to Rebecca. "Did you find anything useful with the records?"

Rebecca nodded. "Absolutely. I've already got it all ready to be transported back."

She nodded. "Good. I'll contact the ship and see if they can get us out of here soon." As they walked out of the room and headed back the way they originally came, Rebecca couldn't help but notice Carol absentmindedly scratching her hand vigorously.


	11. Chapter 10

One of the things about being a Captain that they _didn't_ teach you at the academy was how when there was something wrong with your ship, you could almost always tell. Call it intuition, call it a gut feeling, but whatever you call it; when the ship was in trouble, if you were the Captain you could almost feel it inside you, like an internal wound.

This was one of those times.

He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely _off_ with his crew. It all started when the landing party got back from their brief sojourn on Psi 2000. He had read Carol's report and was just as perplexed as the rest of them as to why the original team perished in the way that they did. Apparently so was Starfleet. After making his own report, they had informed him that they wanted the Enterprise to stay in orbit nearby to witness and document the planet's impending deterioration. So for three days now they had been in orbit, watching the erratic gravitational pull around the planet slowly tear it apart from within. Kirk hated the ship sitting still like this. It made him antsy, and he itched to get moving again. And if that wasn't bad enough some of the crewmen were acting a bit...strange. Yesterday Sulu kept fidgeting and twisting in his seat and complaining about being hot so much that Jim had barked at him to go to the medbay. And earlier in the day today when he went to visit Talbot to talk to him about what happened on Psi 2000, he couldn't find him at his station. According to his commanding officer he hadn't shown up for duty at all. Alarmed, Kirk went to his quarters to see if he was alright, but when he entered much to his surprise Talbot was fine. Well, as fine as anyone could be surrounded by paper and covered in various paints.

"I've always wanted to be an artist, Captain!" the security officer said to him, his eyes slightly glazed. "I've always had this dream of drawing cartoon turtles, and that's what I'm going to do!"

The Captain was, for the first time in a long time, at a loss for words. He left without saying another word and went down to the medbay to find Bones. He explained the situation to him and the Doctor nodded knowingly. "Jim, this isn't the first case of people acting strangely that I've seen. Between yesterday and today I've had almost a dozen people in and out of here acting completely bizarre. At first I thought maybe it was a touch of cabin fever, since we've been stationary, and then I thought it might be some kind of flu type virus since most of them are complaining about being too hot, but now...I'm not so sure."

Kirk looked around, feeling more and more uneasy by the minute. _Something is very wrong here,_ he thought. "Bones, where's Sulu? I sent him down here yesterday."

The Doctor shook his head. "He stopped in momentarily but then when I told him to lay down he told me that he didn't need any rest and all that he needed was exercise." He shrugged. "He was pretty adamant about it too, I might add."

Jim narrowed his eyes. "I gave him a direct order to come down here. I don't want him running around infecting other people if he's sick. What's gotten into him?"

Bones threw up his hands in exasperation. "Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor not a mind-reader! Now if he comes back I can try and treat him but until then, there's nothing I can do!" He turned and stomped off grumpily, leaving Jim again at a loss for words.

On the way back to the bridge he mulled things over. _This all started when the landing party came back from that frozen wasteland below us. I know they went through the decontamination process in the transporter but is it possible they still managed to bring something back with them?_ He sighed. This was definitely the last thing he needed right now. But like it or not, it was happening, and he had an obligation to get to the bottom of it as quickly as possible. When he got to the bridge he sat in his chair and asked, "Spock, how long do we have until Psi 2000 reaches full deterioration?"

He walked over to him and answered, "According to my calculations Captain, the planet should reach the state of implosion in approximately two more days."

Kirk pressed the comlink button and called Lieutenant Marcus, and Ensign's Foulks and Bowen to the bridge. Maybe together they could figure out what the hell was going on.

***

Rebecca ran her hands over her uniform, trying to smooth it out as she stood in the turbo lift with Lea and Carol waiting to get to the bridge. "Do you think the Captain is okay? He sounded pretty agitated when he called us."

"How should I know?" snapped Carol. She fanned herself with her hand. "For god's sake I wish they would adjust the temperature setting in here. It's bloody unbearable."

Her and Lea looked at her in surprise. Sweat poured off of Carol's face and she looked flushed. Rebecca looked down at her own arms which were pebbled with gooseflesh at the chill air in the turbo lift.

"Carol?" asked Lea tentatively, "Are you feeling aright?"

Carol turned to face them, a glazed look in her eye. "Am I...feeling alright?"

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, you're acting kind of...strange."

Carol closed her eyes and put a hand against her forehead. "I'm fine."

The turbo lift stopped and they entered the bridge. Lea and Rebecca exchanged a quick, uncertain look as they walked up to Jim in his Captain's chair. As they approached she could see Spock talking with another science officer. When he saw her he gave her a slight nod to acknowledge her, which she returned in kind. _The hardest part about dating the ships Commander_ she thought wryly, _is not reacting when I see him._ She sometimes had a hard time looking at him objectively as thoughts of his hands and his lips and his eyes flooded her brain. She looked away quickly so he wouldn't see her blush. She jumped a bit when she heard the Captain address her. "Ensign Foulks, after going over all the documentation left by the original science team, have you found anything that might help us understand what killed them?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, Captain. There was plenty of information about the planet itself, its history, and the science behind its upcoming destruction, but there was nothing that even hinted at what could have happened."

He sighed and turned to Lea. "And you, Ensign Bowen? Any damage to any of the equipment?"

"No Captain," she responded. "Lieutenant Commander Scott and I disassembled everything and inspected it. Everything is in perfect working condition."

He rubbed his hand over his eyes, as if to dispel a headache. "I see. So we're back to square one." He turned to Carol. "You don't have anything to report, do you Lieutenant Marcus?"

She didn't answer, just swayed a little where she stood.

Looking concerned, he asked, "Lieutenant Marcus? Are you okay?"

She looked up suddenly. "Yes, Captain, there is something I want to report."

The tone of her voice made Lea and Rebecca look over at her. It almost sounded as if she was...inebriated.

It must have sounded that way to the Captain as well because he took a step toward her, perhaps to steady her, before she emitted a high giggle and whispered loudly, "Captain you know I'm mean to you sometimes because I really like you, right?"

He froze, as did Lea and Rebecca. Carol laughed shrilly and said. "C'mon Captain! No girl can resist you, that's why I try so hard to stay away. If I'm not as easy as some of the other floozies you've slept with would you still want me, I wonder?"

Jim's mouth gaped open like a fish out of water, and if it hadn't been such an embarrassingly tense situation Rebecca would have laughed at his expression. Starting to panic, she caught Spock's eye and he started to make his way over. The others on the bridge were starting to realize something was happening and were turned around watching with wide eyes.

"C'mon Lieutenant," Lea said, trying to salvage the situation. "You're obviously not feeling well, let's get you down to the medbay." she caught the Captains eyes and he nodded his assent.

Carol looked confused for a moment, then took a step toward Lea before dropping to one knee. Lea and Rebecca rushed to grab her before she went down all the way.

"Anselm!", barked Jim to the nearest science officer. "Help Ensign Bowen escort the Lieutenant down to the medbay." He looked at Lea. "Tell Bones I want her looked at right away, okay?"

She nodded and with Lieutenant Anselm's help they walked Carol out of the bridge.

Rebecca watched them leave, wishing there was something she could do to help her friend. "Ensign Foulks," Jim said softly. "Come with me please." He gestured for Spock to follow them and the three walked over and stepped into the now empty turbo lift. Once the doors closed to he turned to her and asked, "What was all that about, Beck?"

She shrugged, uncomfortable. She knew how Carol felt about Jim, even though she had never explicitly talked about it. But she was afraid of divulging any personal information that she might regret later on. "She's been acting weird ever since we got back from Psi 2000. I really don't know what it is."

Spock nodded. "Captain, she is exhibiting the same signs of...confusion, incomprehension, and displacement that some of the other crewmembers are experiencing. Perhaps we should see if Doctor McCoy has discovered anything about this new malady yet."

Kirk nodded but it was obvious that he wasn't listening. "So, do you really think I have that bad of a reputation?"

Spock and Rebecca exchanged a glance. She could tell that, despite whatever Carol's thoughts were on the subject, Jim was beginning to care for her. More than he seemed to care for any other girl on the ship. She could tell that Carol's comments on the bridge had affected him. Tactfully she said, "Look, we all know the sort of name you've made for yourself, especially back when you were in the Academy."

He grimaced, but she continued. "But you've grown a lot. You're a wonderful Captain and a wonderful man, and I know Carol sees that, despite whatever your reputation might suggest."

His face lit up. "You really think so?"

Spock cleared his throat. "Captain, as enlightening as your personal discoveries are, I believe it would be most beneficial for us to go and check in with Doctor McCoy."

Jim turned and looked at the Commander with mock amazement. "Why, Mr. Spock! How very...logical of you!"

Rebecca stifled a giggle as the turbolift door opened, and they stepped out into the corridor. Rebecca was about to tell them that she was going to head back to her quarters for a bit when she was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled away. Jim cried out, "Sulu! What the hell are you doing?"

With shock, she twisted her head around to see that it was in fact the helmsman. He was bare chested and sweating like crazy. With the one arm he held her to him tightly, with the other he carried a fencing saber which he kept pointed at the two other men. "Fair maiden!" he exclaimed to her. "I will protect you from these two unscrupulous knaves!"

Spock took a step toward them, his expression as furious as she had ever seen it. "Mr. Sulu, if you do not release Rebecca right now, I will be forced to take harmful action against you."

Sulu laughed. "A duel, good sir! Yes! A duel for the hand of the maiden!"

Kirk looked as if he was about the explode. "Sulu, are you out of your MIND?!"

The last thing Rebecca wanted was to aggravate the situation further. So she did the first thing she could think of. She gasped dramatically in Sulu's ear, "Thank you for rescuing me! But there is another man sneaking up behind you, my good and brave warrior, that you will have to dispatch of first." Sulu immediately reacted, spinning around to greet whatever foe approached, and as he did she brought her knee up swiftly to his groin. He released her at once and as she backed away Spock closed the rest of the distance and dropped him the rest of the way with a nerve pinch.

Kirk chuckled as Spock wiped off Sulu's sweat that had gotten on his hand. "Well, Mr. Spock, it looks like your girlfriend can handle herself pretty well."

She blushed. "Not really Captain. I just reacted, I wasn't even thinking clearly."

Spock shook his head. "You acted...most logically Rebecca."

She beamed at him as Kirk rolled his eyes. "Alright, let's get him over to Doctor McCoy and make sure he STAYS this time." He turned back to her and said, "Why don't you go back to your quarters and we'll call you when we hear something."

She nodded and after saying goodbye to them both turned and headed in the other direction. They watched until she was gone, then lifted up Sulu and began to carry him to the medbay.

"That sure is some woman you've got there, Spock," Jim said as they carried the unconscious helmsman.

"I am aware of that fact, Captain, but thank you once again for bringing it to my attention." The man wasn't heavy, but for a minute Spock wished he could set him down so he could scratch the heinous fiery itch that was spreading from his hand to his arm.


	12. Chapter 11

_Uhura couldn't remember a time when she didn't love to sing. Ever since she was a little girl she loved the way her mother would sing to her and they way she would teach her new songs. She had grown harder over the years, tougher. And she couldn't remember the last time she had let loose and just sang for the hell of it. But ever since this morning she was starting to feel...uninhibited, free to do whatever she wanted. She was supposed to be on the bridge but Uhura found she couldn't quite make herself care about that at the moment. "I think I'm going to start a band," she said out loud to no one in particular as she walked down the corridor humming loudly._

 _Chekov had always been proud of his Russian ancestry, even though he was too shy to talk about it with others, even if they were his friends. Whenever he wanted to bring it up, his desire to do so was drowned out by the fear of being teased or even ignored. In this day and age who, besides himself, really cared about a little old Earth country anyway? But for some reason today all he felt was an overflowing surge of pride for his family and his heritage. 'Why should I NOT talk about how great Mother Russia is?' he thought. 'In fact the one thing this ship does need is more Russian pride!' He skipped down the hallway singing, "Rossiya! svyashchennaya nasha derzhava!"_

 _People that had been slightly attracted to each other before were not falling over themselves with lust. People who had minor grievances with other crew members were now at each others throats. All over the ship dozens of people sweated away their inhibitions and gave in to their every want, need, or emotion that crossed their mind._

 _This was harder for some than others to bear..._

 _The Commander paced through his quarters, growing increasingly restless. "I am in control of my emotions, I am IN CONTROL of my emotions," he muttered to himself as he walked. He sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. Even though he was half human, he took pride in his Vulcan ability to keep his feelings in check, even though at times it was very difficult to do. This was definitely one of those times. He could literally feel the barriers he kept up quickly corroding. Things he tried to keep tucked away deep within were starting to rise to the surface, and they were doing it at such a quick pace that he found he couldn't keep them submerged anymore. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He wanted to throttle someone. He wanted...He closed his eyes. "Rebecca," he whispered to the dark of the room. He was smart enough to know that he was being affected by the same disease that plagued the other crewmembers, that this wouldn't, couldn't, last forever. There were things he needed to say, things he needed her to know before the walls came back up. He stormed out of his quarters and made his way to Rebecca's room, his hands curling and uncurling into fists._

***  
After dropping Sulu off with Bones, Spock had went back to his quarters and Jim went back to his. Hours later, while Spock wrestled with his tangled briar patch of feelings, Jim stood by his window and looked at the motionless stars. He thought about what it meant to be Captain of a starship, what it meant to be responsible for hundreds of people. To make the right decisions, to make the _wrong_ decisions, to have to live with them every minute of every day. He gritted his teeth. He had no idea how to help his afflicted crew. He felt...utterly helpless. Suddenly his communicator went off, startling him.

"Yeah?" he answered gruffly.

"Jim, it's me," came Doctor McCoy's voice. "Come down to the medbay, I think I've got some answers for you."

Without even bothering to reply, Kirk snapped the communicator shut and ran out his room to see what Bones had found.

***

When he got there he was surprised to see that most of the patients on the tables were secured by straps. "Are the restraints really necessary?" he asked.

Dr. McCoy gave him a look that could have curdled milk. "You want me to try and find a cure for this thing AND babysit a bunch of erratic crewmembers?!"

The Captain held up his hands in defeat. "Sorry Bones, you're right. So what is this thing that's making everyone crazy? HAVE you found a cure?"

The Doctor folded his arms in front of his chest. "This _thing_ is actually a form of polywater intoxication."

Jim blinked. "Polywater?"

Bones nodded. "Polywater is a polymerized form of standard water, which basically means that it is a very _long_ water molecule consisting of multiple repetitions."

Jim looked around. "So you're thinking that one of, or maybe all of the landing party picked up this virus when down on Psi 2000 and brought it onboard?"

"That's exactly what I think happened," he responded. "Even if they went through the decontamination process the virus could have been mutated to the point where decontamination didn't affect it. From what I can tell, the transmission of the disease is water based and can be passed by the vapor from breath, sweat, blood, anything like that.

Jim looked impatient. "Why is it that some people are affected and some not? I mean this is all well and good, but what does it mean for getting everyone back to normal?"

Doctor McCoy looked at the Captain. "Polywater intoxication can occur if the polywater molecules acquire carbon from the body. It looks like it keeps passing from person to person, but depending on their genetic makeup they can either be carriers of the disease, that is, passing it to others but never developing any of the symptoms, or become infected themselves as well as passing it along." He gave him a wry look. "Looks like you and I are carriers, Jim."

Jim rubbed his chin. This made sense. It would also explain why some people didn't exhibit any symptoms and others did. "So what does this disease actually do?"

The Doctor looked embarrassed. The main symptom is the suppression of inhibitions. Essentially, it acts on the brain in ways similar to extreme alcohol intoxication."

Jim groaned. "So you're telling me that we're basically treating a bunch of drunks?"

Bones smiled. "That's the gist of it, yes."

The Captain looked around again, searching for Carol. "Great. But you said you found a cure?"

Doctor McCoy held up a vial of orange liquid. "I have a serum that closes off the carbon molecules from interaction with the polywater molecules. After being in the body for an hour or so without access to the carbon, the polywater molecule melts and becomes harmless."

Jim clapped the Doctor on the shoulder. "Bones, you really are a genius!"

McCoy smirked. "Obviously."

The Captain grinned. "Okay, I'll round up any crewmembers that are carriers and we'll get everyone who's infected to take the serum. Let's get to it."

***

Rebecca sat up, startled, when she heard her door softly slide open. Spock was the only one it was programmed to open for automatically, but she expected him to still be with the Captain. She had left the lights off, so the room was dark as she rose and went over to him, running her fingers through her hair. "Spock? Is everything alright?"

He didn't answer, just stood there looking at her and breathing heavily.

Slightly alarmed, she dropped her hand to her neck. "Spock...?"

He walked over to her and lightly ran a finger down her cheek. "I need to talk to you."

 _Well, this is certainly strange,_ she thought. "What is it?"

He pulled his hand back and covered his eyes, looking anguished. "I don't know how to say it."

Her eyes widened and she felt the room start to spin. _Oh god, please don't tell me he's breaking up with me. Not that, please not that._ She thought she might vomit.

He reached down and pulled her into an embrace. She automatically twined her arms around him and was about to relax until she heard his voice in her ear once more.

"I love you."

***

Jim smiled to himself. So far the process was going really well. A lot of the operations personnel were really helpful in rounding up the remainder of the crewmembers with the disease and getting them to take the serum. Bones was overseeing the process in the medbay while Jim walked through the corridors, making sure they hadn't forgotten anyone. He suddenly remembered that he hadn't heard from his Commander in a while. He tried calling him on the communicator but he didn't answer. _Probably passing the time away holed up in Rebecca's quarters,_ he thought wryly. _I'll just go and pick him up personally and see if he can help me patrol the rest of the ship._ He turned back around and headed toward Rebecca's room.

***

She found her voice again after a few minutes. "What...what did you say?"

He looked down at her. "That I love you. I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you, although I didn't know it at the time."

She was speechless. _Where in the hell was this coming from? Wait a minute..._ "Spock, are you feeling okay? Are you feeling...sick at all? Warm? Dizzy?"

He continued as if he didn't hear her. "I am currently under the influence of whatever affliction is spreading throughout the ship and decided to take advantage of my emotional shields being lowered. I have been meaning to tell you how I have felt for some time and to ask...if you felt the same?"

This was too much. This didn't make any sense. She couldn't handle the grip of fear which now clutched like steel talons her heart. _What is he saying? Does he even really mean it? Is this just a side effect of the illness? Am I supposed to tell him how I feel? How DO I feel?_ She had known for some time that she was desperately falling in love with the ships Commander. But as strong as she felt, the fear that reared its ugly head every time she thought she was getting close to someone seemed to drown it out completely. _No,_ she thought, beginning to panic, _This isn't right. It isn't supposed to happen this way. And what if it isn't true, if he doesn't mean it? What if I tell him...that I love him and then once he gets over...WHATEVER this is he realizes he made a mistake and doesn't feel this way at all? What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore?_ The flight or fight instinct was beginning to make her vision fuzzy and with a strangled sob she tore out of his arms and ran out of her room, leaving him standing there in a confused daze.

She tore down the hallway, trying to get away from that room, these feelings as fast as possible. She rounded a corner and ran smack dab into the middle of the Captain.

With a startled cry she tried to pull away and continue running but he held her fast. "Rebecca? What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Commander Spock, sir," she said gasping, "He has the disease too."

"Oh is that all?" He said, starting to smile. "It's okay now, Doctor McCoy created a serum that counteracts it. Once he takes this he'll be as good as new." He faltered for a minute, taking in her frantic expression. "Are you okay? He didn't...he didn't hurt you?"

She shook her head violently. "No Captain, nothing like that. He just said...something...and I..." Unable to contain it any longer she burst into tears.

Bewildered, he reached out and hugged her. "What did he say?"

She shook her head, unable to put the tornado of emotions she was feeling into words.

He sighed softly. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."

She looked up at him, completely embarrassed for losing herself in front of her Captain that way. Aside from which, this was something she had to deal with internally on her own. In time. Struggling to get it together she said, "It's nothing Sir. Thank you for your concern. I am _so_ sorry for...dishonoring myself in front of you."

He rolled his eyes. "I swear Ensign you are sounding more and more like your Vulcan boyfriend everyday. But listen," he said growing serious. "You guys are more than my fellow crewmembers. I think of you guys...You are all like my family. If you need anything, even if its just to talk, my door is open, alright?"

Tears of gratitude filled her eyes. "Sir, I..."

He waved her away. "Don't worry about it, Rebecca. Now why don't you go ahead to the medbay. Carol has woken up and is asking for you and Lea. I'll go give Spock the serum and he'll be back to normal before you know it." His eyes lifted toward the celling. "Whatever normal is for a Vulcan, I'll never understand." He turned and headed toward her quarters, leaving her standing there with a myriad of questions floating through her head. She was proud to be a member of a crew that had such a caring and compassionate Captain. She thought of Spock again and small jolts of fear bit into her heart. When Spock _did_ return to normal, would it be as someone who loved her? Or were his words just a side effect from the disease? And even if he _did_ feel that way, was she ready to say those words in return?

***

Three days had passed since the incident which the crew was beginning to call 'The Naked Time' incident. She was pretty sure that the Captain had come up with that name himself, actually, much to Spock's dismay. She sat on her bed looking out the window as the stars flew by. _It was good to be moving again,_ she thought as she covered a yawn with the back of her hand. The implosion of Psi 2000 had occurred as expected, and it was a delight to be able to document the incident on the bridge. Everyone who had been infected with the disease had been cured, although curiously, none of them seemed to clearly recall their actions while under the influence of the polywater intoxication. She thought of how flustered the Captain acted around Carol now, as if he didn't know what to say around her anymore. _I suppose its up to the ones who weren't infected to keep them safe from the knowledge of what they did...and said._ Her heart skipped. Spock also didn't remember what he had confessed to her in the dark of her room that day. And she didn't bring it up. She was still too unsure. Fear of rejection paralyzed her. Her feelings for Spock were stronger than anything she had ever felt for anyone before. And it was the strength of those feelings that made her hesitant to tell him. _If I told him I loved him...and he didn't feel the same way...I think I would just die,_ she thought to herself, closing her eyes. _I need to wait, I need to be sure, I need..._

"Rebecca?"

Oh but how the sound of her name on his breath made her heart melt!

He crossed the small room and sat on the bed behind her, pulling her hair back and pressing his lips into the side of her neck. "I've missed you," he said simply.

"I've missed you too," she responded honestly. She hadn't been alone with him since the _incident_ and the lack of his presence filled her with discontent.

He raised his eyes to the window and asked, "I have a question for you."

She remained silent.

He continued, "Did I...did I say anything strange to you while I was sick? I seem to remember walking to your quarters but nothing after that is clear."

She took a deep breath and turned to face him. "I wouldn't worry about it, Spock."

He raised an eyebrow. "That is not an answer."

She leaned up and kissed him languidly. _It doesn't matter if he NEVER feels the same way about me,_ she though suddenly, fiercely. _I will love this man until the day I die and someday soon I will find the courage to tell him._

He tilted his head back, looking at her with amusement. "I've never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question."

She laughed and said "Get used to it, space cowboy," before leaning up and pressing her lips to his once more.


	13. Chapter 12

Waking up with a sore jaw is never a good way to start the day.

She sat up in bed and rubbed it gingerly, running a hand through her tangled mess of hair. It had been a bad night anyway what with being wracked with bad dreams, specifically the suffocation one. _I havn't been grinding my teeth since my early Academy days,_ she thought glumly as she got dressed and readied herself for the day. She could beat around the bush all day long, but in the end she knew what was causing the anxiety. Her stomach roiled as she thought of her dilemma with Spock. She desperately wanted to tell him how she felt, _ached_ to tell him how she felt, but still was torn as to whether it was the _right_ descision to make. _Okay, so lets work this out logically,_ she thought. _What's the worst thing that could happen? He could apologize and tell me that he doesn't return my feelings and then...then I could just die of embarressment._ She let out a frustrated breath. _This is stupid! Why am I even worrying about it? If he really did feel that way, wouldn't he tell me? He is the guy after all, he's supposed to be the one to make that first move!_ But she knew in this situation that wouldn't be the case. He was half Vulcan after all, did she really expect him to just trip over himself to confess how he felt? But...that WAS what he had done, back when he was under the influence of polywater intoxication, and it hadn't made her feel any better about it. In fact, she spent most nights restlessly tossing and turning _because_ of that occurance. She squirmed uneasily. Truthfully, that wasn't the only reason she was so restless. Even though it made her feel like an animal to admit it, she was horny. Desperately so. She couldn't remember the last time she had craved release as much as she did these past few weeks. It was alarming to be so physically attracted to someone that it was hard to control herself around him. And _this_ at least she knew was reciprocated by him. The more time they spent together the thicker the tension grew between them. It felt as if they were two rubber bands, continually being stretched and stretched, until one or the other finally snapped. She shivered. All she could think about lately was making love to him; just riding him until he lost control and screamed her name. She shook her head and smiled, feeling slightly foolish. _This is ridiculous,_ she thought. _He is the most composed, rational, man I have ever met. There is NO way he is feeling as riled up as I am._ She finished getting ready for the day and headed out the door.

...

By dinnertime she was feeling, if anything, grumpier. Her sore jaw had transformed itself into a massive headache, and all she wanted to do was lay down and attempt to get some sleep. But she had promised Carol and Jim that she would have dinner with them since Lea was working late on a special project for Lieutenant Commander Scott. She was finding that spending time with all of them made her feel infinitely happier, almost as if they were...family.

She walked in and sat down at their usual table in the mess hall. Carol, Jim, and Spock were already there. The conversation stopped momentarily while they greeted her and then picked back up where it left off which seemed to be, for the moment, all about making fun of Jim's wild Academy days. As usual the air seemed to fizz and crackle between her and Spock as soon as she settled into the chair next to him. He didn't look directly at her, or she at him, but she could feel his burning prescense beside her, like a small sun.

Without taking her eyes of the other people at the table she leaned over and whispered to him, "Have you ever just _really_ wanted to kiss someone so badly, but you knew you couldn't?"

A small smile flitted across his face, and he answered without looking at her. "Yes, I believe I know what you mean."

Suddenly Carol's voice broke out above the noisy din. "What about that Leila girl? I remember Christine Chapel telling me about you and her."

Smugly, Jim crossed his arms and said "Hey, now you're getting your stories mixed up. That was never me, that was the Commander."

Beside her she saw Spock stiffen. "I am afraid I do not understand your insinuation, Captain."

Jim laughed. "Sure you do! Don't you remember? I didn't really know you then, but I remember hearing people talking about how that blond following you around all the time." He chuckled. "I only remember because everyone was so surprised to see the uptight Vulcan being trailed by such a hottie."

Spock spoke calmly but Rebecca could tell he was struggling to keep his anger in check. "Captain, the woman to whom you are referring was never involved with me, although she did indeed attempt to pursue a relationship."

Jim smiled good naturely. "Sure Spock, sure."

Rebecca had had enough by this point. She stood up and said, "I'm sorry guys I actually am not feeling quite well, I think I'm going to turn in a little early." Without even waiting for a reply she turned and walked out of the room.

"Jim!" Carol hissed at him as Rebecca left. "How could you be so insensitive?"

"You're the one who started talking about it in the first place!", he answered angrily. "Why do you have to keep bringing up the past all the time? What's done is done!"

She shook her head. "You just don't get it, do you. Why can't you just try being charming for once?" She sat back in her chair angrily and looked the other way.

Spock sat there motionless, his eyes on the door.

...

On the way to her quarters she thought better of it and turned and went down to the archives. Lieutenant Harper wasn't there, and the room was blissfully quiet. She stood for a moment , letting the peace of the library seep through her. _Well, I'm here now so I might as well get something done,_ she thought as she gathered up some books and data files and sat down at a nearby table. About half an hour later she put her materials down in a huff, put her head back, and covered her eyes with a hand. Usually anytime she was upset or angry or even just anxious she would come to the archive and immediately feel better. It wasn't working. And she knew why. It was completely her fault for overreacting at dinner. She knew she wasn't the first person Spock had ever been with. For heavens sake she was on friendly terms with Liutenant Uhura, his most recent ex! And it wasn't as if she was a virgin who had been sitting in a tower waiting for him. She was, essentially, pretty fucked up. And she couldn't even really fathom why this was bothering her so much, espescially since Spock had _said_ that he hadn't been involved with that girl. Maybe it was because she knew Uhura and saw firsthand how unmatched they were when they were together. This other girl, this Leila, she had never seen, so of course she was picturing a perfectly tanned, voluptuous bodied female hanging on his arm and his every word. She gritted her teeth. _Stop it right now,_ she told herself angrily. _This is ridiculous and immature. He is half Vulcan! How long do you think he's going to put up with your ridiculous emotional ups and downs?_

Suddenly the archive door swished open and Spock walked in. She sat up as he approached. When he reached her side they looked at each other for a moment before she sighed and broke the silence.

"Look, Spock," she started. "I'm really sorry. I don't know why I acted that way." He seemed to be struggling with some kind of emotion and didn't respond, so she continued, "I know its immature and petty, but it makes me sort of crazy to think of you with anyone else." She looked up at him. "I just really... _love you love I just really love you_...care about you, and I guess it sometimes overwhelms me to the point where reason is blinded." She ran a hand through her hair, aware of how ridiculous she sounded. "How did you find me anyway?"

A smiled slightly. "I do know you very well, Rebecca, after all." He crouched down so he was level with her. "May I tell you a secret?"

She took his hand in hers and replied, "Of course."

"I too am subject to moments of intense jealousy."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes," he answered, "but only when it is in relation to you, it seems."

Her heart sped up.

"You see," he continued, "The thought of you with anyone other than myself makes me want to throw this table across the room."

She giggled and he stood up, pulling her up with him. "Thank you," she said softly as he held her. "You always seem to know what to say to make me feel better, even if I'm just being a silly girl."

"You could hardly be considered a silly girl," he huffed. "Just...delightfully human."

 _Delightfully human, he called me delightful._ Her heart warmed as she rolled his words over in her head like candy. "The past is the past and all that matters is now, right?" she asked as smiled up at him.

He kissed her forehead. "Precisely."

...

The next night they were all gathered in the mess hall again, minus the Captain who had yet to join them. Lea and Lieuteant Scott were excitedly discussing their new engineering project and Bones was trying to convince Carol of the benifits of older, Earth medical equipment over the technological advancements that had been made. She caught Carol's eye and they smiled at each other. After her conversation with Spock in the library she had headed over to Carol's quarters and they had a long discussion on how important it was to let go of the past, for the sake of the present and the future. She looked over at Spock and the rest of them and couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness fill her up. It was an amazing feeling, to be surrounded by people she loved.

"Hey Jim!" Bones called out suddenly as the Captain approached the table.

Instead of sitting down, he stood there awkwardly, trying to catch Carol's eye. "There are less stars in the sky tonight," he blurted suddenly.

The others turned and looked at him in bewilderment. Finally Carol asked, "What are you talking about? How could you even know something like that?"

He looked at her. "Because the brightest star is sitting right here at this table."

For a moment, there was complete silence, until Bones said "Dammit Jim, that is the worst line I have ever heard!"

Lea nudged him. "I'm not too sure about that, Mr. do you know how many bones there are in the human body?" He looked abashed as the rest of the table erupted into laughter.

All but Jim who was looking at Carol, who was in turn looking back at him, with a pleased smile on her face. "Took you long enough to figure it out, isn't that right Captain?" she asked as he sat next to her.

He flashed her a grin. "I'm not what you would call a fast learner."

And with that, the conversation started up again, as if nothing had happened.

~*~ To be continued


	14. Chapter 13

Smiling happily, she practically skipped down the corridors to the Commander's quarters. She had found a particularly interesting book on the marine life of Lake Cantaria on Betazed that she knew he would find as fascinating as she did. It was late, almost midnight, and she had been doing research in her room when she had stumbled upon it and decided to take it over to show Spock. _I hope he's not asleep or busy or anything,_ she thought worriedly as she briskly walked to his rooms. _I didn't even call him to let him know I was coming._ He had basically told her that she had an open invitation to come over whenever she liked but she still liked to make sure she wasn't intruding. Once she got to his quarters, she hesitated only a moment before stepping up to the door. Recognizing her, it swished open and she walked hesitantly into the room.

"Spock?" she called out softly. The lights were on so she knew he wasn't sleeping. She stood there for a moment, wondering if maybe she should leave and then he came out of the bedroom. Her eyes widened as she took in his appearance. He was wearing pants, but had lost his shirt somewhere along the way. She thought her eyes might roll back in her head at the sight of him bare chested. He was sinewy and lean with dark hair across the surface of his chest. _How have I never seen him without a shirt before?!_ she thought as he stood there watching her flounder. She thought she might start frothing at the mouth. Suddenly she remembered that she had run out of her room without even paying attention to how she looked. She was practically wearing pajamas, just shorts and a tank top, and she still had her glasses on and her hair thrown back into a sloppy ponytail. Inwardly she rolled her eyes at herself. _Real sexy, Beck, great job!_ she thought dryly.

"To what do I owe this late night, visit?" He asked, looking amused and a tad smug.

She gulped. "Erm...I was just researching some things...in a book...yes, a book! And I found something that I thought you might...enjoy reading about." She wondered if she wished hard enough if the floor would just open up and swallow her whole.

She could see that his pupils were dilated as he walked over to her and slid her glasses off the bridge of her nose, laying them on a nearby table. As she blinked to adjust he reached behind her and pulled the elastic band out of her hair, freeing it, sending it cascading down in brown waves. He leaned down to entwined his lips with hers fiercely but pulled away just as she was beginning to melt. "What book did you say you brought?," he asked as he turned and walked back into his bedroom.

 _Great. Our love of books has finally been the thing to turn around and bite me in the ass,_ she thought sarcastically as she followed him into the other room. _How can he switch gears that quickly? I'm still thinking about his chest. And his arms. And his lips. And his..._ She let out a squeak of dismay as she saw him putting a black shirt on. "Why are you putting more clothes on?" she asked, barely able to get the words out.

He looked confused. "You seemed to be having trouble focusing. Did you not want to discuss the book?"

She resisted the urge to smack herself in the face. "Yes, I did." She struggled to gain composure. "It was about the eco system on Betazed, particularly in Lake Cantaria. I was wondering if you had heard of this particular species before?" She showed him the pages in the book that mentioned it.

He took the book from her and sat down on the bed, paging through it. He slid over to make room for her as she sat next to him, her chin on his shoulder as she read along with him. After a time she slid away and laid down on the opposite side of the bed, just watching him. _I will not fall asleep,_ she told herself sternly. _I want this moment to last forever._

But at this late hour, happiness gave way to fatigue and she was lost as soon as she closed her eyes.

...

She opened her eyes suddenly, startled out of sleep by some strange dream that eluded her. The room was dark, Spock must have turned the lights off sometime earlier. And speaking of Spock...she looked over and was surprised to see him sleeping next to her. He had never fallen asleep beside her before and it made her sigh happily to see him next to her in that way. He was under the covers and she was delighted to see that he had taken off his shirt once more. She ran a finger across his smooth cheek, relishing the peaceful look on his face as he slept. Quietly, so as not to disturb him, she began to slide herself off the top of the covers but before she had moved a few inches she felt the steely grip of his hand wrap around her wrist. Startled, she looked down to see his fathomless brown eyes staring up at her.

"You scared me," she laughed nervously. "I thought you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you as I left. It must be getting pretty late."

"I had a most startling dream," he said.

"Oh?" she asked, her heart still pounding.

"You were trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear you."

"Hmmm, that is...odd," she laughed nervously. "What do you think it was that I was trying to tell you?"

He continued as if he didn't even hear her. "It would be illogical for us to protest against our natures, don't you think?"

"I don't...quite..." She floundered before checking the time. "I should get going."

He sighed softly, closing his eyes for a moment before he said, "Stay."

It came out as a command, but there was such a soft vulnerability laced within it that she felt her heart immediately melt. For a moment a thought flashed across her mind, bright as neon and screaming; _here it is, this is the moment,_ but it was gone in an instant and she stopped thinking.

And started reacting.

Without hesitation she slipped under the covers, acutely aware that she was still only wearing a tank top and thin cotton shorts. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer until she was pressed up against his chest. She slid her leg in between his and could feel the hard length of him pressed against her thigh. She looked at him. His eyes were dark and full of unasked questions. "This is quite possibly the most forward statement I have ever made," he said. "But if I do not think I can keep on breathing if I do not...if we do not...right now..."

"That was my feeling exactly", she replied breathlessly.

He touched her shoulder, his thumb brushing along the exposed flesh next to the strap of her tank top and her eyes shut briefly at the intensity of his caress. "So soft," he whispered in her ear. "Are you this soft everywhere, I wonder?"

She could hear the smile in his voice even with her eyes closed. He got up and began to pull his shirt off. She started to take off her top, caught sight of him removing his clothes, and paused. _How could any one person be so gorgeous?_ she thought, her heart pumping wildly. _At this rate I'm going to have a heart attack before he even touches me._

He caught her staring at him and raised an eyebrow. "You do get distracted easily."

"Well, obviously!", she sputtered.

He smiled and very slowly undid the top button on his pants.

Rebecca pouted and crossed her arms. "Now you're just being mean."

He pulled his pants off and she feasted on him with her eyes as he stood there. She pulled her tank top off and slid off her shorts, leaving them in a small pile next the the bed. Now it was his turn to pause as he took in the pale curves of her body, flushed with desire. She slid to the edge of the bed. "See anything you like?" she asked, biting her lip and smiling shyly at him.

With a growl he moved towards her swiftly and slid his hands under the globes of her ass to shift her father back on the bed. Once she was where he wanted her his body fell on top of hers, effectively pinning her down with his weight. Her nipples were already hard and she stifled a moan at how good they felt to be pressed up against the warmth of his chest. His mouth captured hers in a scorching kiss. She darted out her tongue to lick his bottom lip and he responded in turn, colliding with hers in a tangle of wet head. His fingers threaded themselves into her long hair and he tugged gently, making her gasp. He ran his other hand down her side lightly, his fingers touching and teasing as light as a feather. The contrast between the hardness of his body on hers and the lightness of his touch made her dizzy. She let out a small mewl of pleasure as he allowed his thumb to brush against the hardened nub of her nipple. He pulled his mouth away from hers and moved it down to her breast, suckling and nipping with teeth and tongue until she finally cried out for mercy.

She ran her nails down his back as he trailed a finger down her side and drew it across her slick sex, circling her swollen clit with agonizing slowness. With a yelp she drew her hips away trying to get away from his ministrations but with a soft growl he moved his other hand to her hip and held her in place as he slipped a finger inside of her.

"You are so wet," he moaned. "How is it possible for you to feel this good?" He slipped another finger inside.

She reached down and grabbed his rock hard shaft and stroked him. "I need you inside of me, right now. Please."

A shudder passed through him and she guided him to her entrance, already swollen with need. He slid in easily, her walls fitting around him like a sheath. She cried out his name as he began to move in and out, slowly at first, then with increasing speed as he began to lose control of himself. She moved her hips in rhythm to his movements, panting as he drove deeper and deeper into her core with each thrust. It was sublime. It was rapture. Seeing this beautiful, wonderful man above her, completely losing himself in the softness of her body and the hot, tight way that she enveloped him. Suddenly the edges of her vision dimmed with white and a tremulous sensation of power shifted through her. She cried out again as she came, and her walls tightening around his shaft was enough to send him over the edge with her. Waves and waves of pleasure crashed over them as he unraveled deep within her. And for long minutes afterwards, neither of them could do anything but catch their breath as they looked into each others eyes.

He slowly lowered his body onto her so that he was cradling her in his arms. He kissed her brow tenderly.

She felt a soft vibration against her chest and she looked up at him in surprise. Are you...are you _purring_?

He cleared his throat. "Well, yes. It is a little known Vulcan biological fact that we can at times...purr."

She looked at him in amazement for a moment before she burst out laughing.

He flushed green. "I do not see why that would be amusing to you."

She struggled to get her laughter under control. "I'm sorry. It's not you, I was just remembering the first time I saw you and how for some reason you reminded me of a mountain lion or some other big cat. And now...to find out that you actually purr?! A trickle of laughter spilled out again before she could stop herself.

Spock looked as if he didn't know whether to be amused or embarrassed.

"It's okay," she said while still grinning. "I think it's cute!"

"Cute," he mused. "I still do not know if this is a good reaction."

"Oh it most certainly is," she said. "Let me show you." She leaned up and captured her mouth with his; slowly and gently. It felt so good to be here together; their voices hushed, limbs entangled, scents intertwining.

"Your heartbeat is accelerating again rapidly," he said. "Should I be concerned?", he asked wryly.

One thing she had learned since dating Spock was that Vulcans could be, at times, huge smartasses. She leaned up and bit his shoulder. "What do you think, Commander? And do you always have to notice _everything?_ "

He smiled. "Only when it pertains to you." He kissed her, running a finger across her hip bone, circling near sensitive areas until she was left breathless with desire. She lifted her hips toward him in an effort to get him to continue. "It would seem," he murmured, "that my close proximity with you causes this response, so logically, the best action would be to keep my distance." He began to pull away and she let out an involuntary whimper and held onto him tightly.

He laughed softly, and the sound of it filled her with indescribable delight. Laughter, from him, was a very rare occurrence. Not that he wasn't a happy person, just that his happiness wasn't usually expressed in all the ways that humans are used to. So whenever he _did_ laugh, as rarely as it occurred, it was the most heartwarming sound she ever heard.

With a suddenness that never ceased to amaze her, he slipped out of her grasp and positioned himself above her. Her heart spun wildly out of control and actually felt as it was going to beat its way up into her throat and choke her. "But what," she asked "if my accelerated heartbeat is a _good_ response?" She bit her lip for good measure.

His eyes darkened. "If that is the case than perhaps it would be prudent for us to be as close as is physically possible."

She smiled. "Then shut up and come get me already." Wrapping her arms around his back she pressed him down onto her, loving the feeling of his weight against her. He tilted her chin back and devoured her mouth with his. She could feel him rock hard against her thigh, but as she reached down to touch him he grabbed her hand and whispered harshly, "Wait."

She froze. Did he really just rile her up to stop her so soon?

His eyes met hers. "I want to be inside you again," he admitted. "So badly that I almost cannot stand it. But...there's something I want to try first."

Her heart skipped a beat.

He brought his hand up and lightly pressed three fingertips to her temple and the side of her face. He leaned down, kissed the lobe of her ear and whispered, "Let me in."

She didn't have to ask him what he meant. She knew all about the mind meld that Vulcan's could preform, about the sharing of consciousness. It was an ability they used as rarely as possible, due to the intense intimacy it created between the two people. Spock was a very private person. That he even wanted to share this exchange with her made her want to weep with happiness. Normally, the thought of someone knowing her thoughts, her feelings, her _self_ would make her stomach turn, as she was a very private person as well. _And what if he doesn't feel the same way, he'll know how I feel and this will be the end of everything._ All her fears, all her desires, all of her would be laid bare before him. What if he didn't like what he saw? What if there was something inside of her that made him never want to see her again? But despite that, right here, right now, with _him_...there was nothing she wanted more. Whether it was the end of everything or not, she wanted to be with him in this way.

Without hesitation she closed her eyes and whispered, "Yes."

Almost immediately she began to feel a soft pressure inside her head, a gentle tugging that was almost like being pulled underwater. Warmth spread over her as if she was being drowned in light. Suddenly, dozens of images and thoughts passed across her mind; the first time she had ridden a bike back on Earth, how much she loved the cool sweet taste of ice cream, the way the sunlight looked in her hair when she was underwater, thousands of tears, tens of thousands of smiles, the dark mysterious way the beach looked at night, the first time her and Spock kissed, these and many more flew from her and into him in bright colorful flashes. And at the same time...images passed into her that were unfamiliar...a bright dry planet red of ground and sky, a beautiful older woman with loving brown eyes, a father; tall and proud, the loneliness of childhood and then, the discovery of the joy of being alone. And she saw herself, various images of herself smiling and laughing. Overwhelmed she let out a gasp.

As quickly as it had begun it was over. Trembling slightly she clung to him as he breathed heavily into her neck. He pulled back from her and sat up in the bed, his hair mussed. She looked at him, unable to voice the tremulous feelings that coursed through her.

He stared at her silently, unmoving until she finally asked, "What...what's wrong?" She had never felt more vulnerable than she did at that moment. It was like someone cracked her open and was gazing into her very soul.

"You love me," he said simply, his eyes full of wonder.

She stopped breathing.

"And you've seen...into the heart of me, and now you know...I love you as well."

She started to cry.

He gathered her into his arms. She yielded without resistance, burying her face in his chest and blocking out everything but him. Neither said a word. They held onto each other. She finally unburdened her feelings and stopped crying. She closed her eyes, soothed by his hand gently stroking her hair and his lips tenderly kissing her temple, and inhaled deeply until she felt a calm wash over her, like honey poured onto the wounds of her heart. The fear of rejection and her uncertainty with how he felt for her was slowly being replaced with love and gratitude that she found Spock, a man who loved her unconditionally, in spite of all her faults.

He laid his forehead against hers. "I am yours, forever. I love you."

Her heart soared. "I love you so much," she whispered. "I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing you say those words to me."

A small smile flitted across his face. "That _is_ good news, since I do not plan to ever stop saying them." He settled down beside her and she laid her head in the curving slope of his neck and closed her eyes, unable to believe that any one could ever be so happy.

And that night, for the first time in a long time, she wasn't plagued by dreams.

~*~ Finis


End file.
